


You Are The Ocean (And I'm Good At Drowning)

by liloempire



Series: The Winner Takes It All [2]
Category: The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Temporary Amnesia, probably, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-22 16:13:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14312427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liloempire/pseuds/liloempire
Summary: Adam suffers a nasty bump on the head and loses some memories. What a tangled web he weaves...





	1. There's A Hole In My Conscience

**Author's Note:**

> Have you noticed I'm terrible at descriptions? The short of it all is that this is an amnesia fic and a work in progress. Apparently I have caught a writing bug. Anyway title is a Phantogram song. One of the lyrics is "There's a hole in my conscience".
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy! Comments are always encouraging.

Adam squeezed Dusty in his arms, "Bye kiddo. I love you." He pecked her cheek and pulled back. "Bye Daddy!" She said and went over to give Blake a hug next. Gio was already there though arms tight around Blake as he bent down to say goodbye.

 

"Hey! Let me say goodbye now," Dusty whined and crossed her arms, but not before poking her finger into Gio's back. Gio turned around and stuck her tongue out and just hugged Blake harder.

 

"Girls c'mon. Let Adam and his boyfriend leave," Behati's newer boyfriend said from the arched doorway of the foyer. The girls audibly sighed and Gio parted from Blake and came over to Adam. Adam pushed away some loose strands that had fallen out of her braided ponytail and admired the little brunette girl. Gio looked a lot more like Adam than Dusty did. She had his hazel eyes and dark hair while Dusty had her mom's lighter brown hair and dark blue eyes that had came out of nowhere.

 

"Bye Gio Bean," Adam said as they hugged. They parted and she and her sister ran off to play. Behati came to the archway, "So we're doing Thanksgiving here right?" She asked. Adam and Blake confirmed that that was the plan and then she waved the men goodbye as Blake and Adam exited her house.

 

"God, that man is such a tool," Blake said about Derrick as they entered Adam's car.

 

"Yeah I know. I just feel like it's not my place to say anything you know." Adam started the car, "Ex-husband and all." He backed the car up and peeled out the driveway.

 

"I understand, but you guys are still friends _and_ you have kids together. I just don't really like the idea of that asshole being around Dusty and Gio," Blake responded. He crossed his arms and frowned out the window, watching the blur of scenery go by.

 

"I don't want him around the girls either, but like I said I just feel awkward basically telling her not to date him because-- like I said-- I am her ex-husband," Adam cut the wheel and turned into the restaurant's parking lot that they had agreed they were going to for lunch.

 

It wasn't too fancy of a restaurant, but it wasn't casual either. Adam and Blake usually ate out at more greasy joints, but occasionally went to a nicer place for dates. Today was one of those special occasions. The hostess led them over to a nice candle lit table that was tucked in a more private corner of the restaurant. After 3 years of dating they had gotten used to the stares, the excited fans, the unhappy former fans, and of course the paparazzi, but they took any form of privacy they could get.

 

Blake went over to pull Adam's chair out for him as the hostess set their menus down. Adam rolled his eyes at Blake's chivalry --he always liked to be extra when they went on dates like this-- but instead of arguing with him he took his seat and waited for Blake to sit down before picking up the menu. They each ordered glasses of wines to sip on as they perused their menus.

 

"Are you going to be okay to drive?" Blake asked, blue eyes following Adam's movements as he took another sip of wine.

 

Adam nodded as he took another sip of his own, "Yeah I should be fine. I'll only have this glass and then my food should soak it up. I think I'm going to order a burger."

 

"A burger? We're at this delightful establishment and you're ordering a _burger_? If I'd of known that, we could of just cancelled our reservation and went to In ‘N’ Out," Blake scoffed in fake annoyance. Adam knew Blake really didn't care so he didn't take his rant to heart and instead took another sip of wine and raised his eyebrows as if to say, _so what?_

 

When the waitress came they back they ordered their food, Adam proceeding with the burger and Blake asking for steak. They both asked for fries as sides and smirked at each other as they did. Ordering fries at a nice restaurant seemed kind of taboo, but they did it anyway.

 

They chatted about random things as they waited; asking each other about their current contestants left of The Voice, and Blake asking about the album Maroon 5 was currently working on.

 

When their food came Blake shook his head at the smaller portions. He had a handful of fries and a small steak and Adam had a tiny little patty on a microscopic bun with the same size portion of fries. "We should of went to a franchise like Texas Roadhouse or Outback. This is ridiculous."

 

Adam shushed him and whispered, "This is date night just shut up and enjoy the ambiance." But Blake just continued to mutter under his breath as he cut into his steak

 

"I was thinking about what we talked about the other day," Adam said as he put a french fry in his mouth, "And I came to a conclusion about a couple of things."

 

"Like?" Blake asked after he finished chewing a bite of steak. Adam finished chewing as well and leaned over the table smiling, "Well I was thinking, I have kids that you treat like your own and I think you should have a kid that _is_ your own --we should go the surrogate route."

 

Blake paused, thinking over Adam's words and then sat up in understanding, "So you think we should get a surrogate and use my DNA?"

 

Adam nodded smiling, "Yes and we could find use a donor egg of someone that looks as much like me as possible."

 

Blake laughed, sitting back in his chair and letting his excitement at the idea flood through his body. A kid of his own. He had gotten over the probability of that not happening a long time ago. He had been happy to be a Step Dad of sorts to Adam's kids and when he had brought up the idea of adopting a kid to Adam on their 3rd year anniversary a couple of months ago the thought of using a surrogate hadn't even crossed his mind. But he liked this idea. He wanted a little mini me of his own running around the house and if they could find someone that did share some of the same traits of Adam's appearance that would be amazing. "I like that idea," he finally said, reaching over and overlapping his hand over Adam's. He laced their fingers and squeezed.

 

"I thought you would," Adam said and used his free hand to put another french fry into his mouth, "My other thought is…maybe we could get married." He watched Blake's face carefully and saw it pinch up over the idea. "Blake?" He asked slowly after Blake hadn't said anything for a few moments.

 

Blake kept his hand in Adam's, but there was a tenseness to it, so Adam pulled his away, drawing into himself. Blake didn't want to get married. He knew without him having to say anything and Adam was devastated.

 

"I love you Adam," Blake finally spoke.

 

"But?" Adam asked.

 

"But I've been married twice before and…it was hard each time it ended, and I don't want that to happen again."

 

Adam shook his head at the answer not wanting to accept it, "Blake I've been divorced to. I know what it's like, but we've been together for three years and I'm just as sure about this as I was when we first got together. I-"

 

"I know Adam. But I just don't think I can do it again. We don't need a piece of paper to solidify our relationship anyway, right? We're basically married, we've known each other so long."

 

Adam didn't respond, just dropped his head and took another bite out of his burger.

 

"Hey," Blake reached out and grabbed Adam's hand again, "Are we good? Are you okay?"

 

Adam wasn't good, but he knew there was no use beating a dead horse. Blake could be stubborn when he wanted to be, and he'd rather just work Blake into the idea of getting married later on. So, he gave Blake a light-hearted smile and told him his was okay.

 

They finished their meal and took dessert to go and when they got home Blake kissed Adam with a passion that always led to them undressed and in bed. So, Adam led him there, walking backwards as they kissed, bumping into walls and stopping a few times to kiss against the wall and remove clothing. Once they reached the bedroom Blake had him undressed and stretched open before he could even blink, his hips canted up as Blake fucked into him. Adam thought this would be a distraction, but he felt each jolt into him stir up all the emotions he was trying to keep down. He crossed his arms over his eyes as he felt a well of emotion easing up his throat, tears burning the corners of his eyes. He moaned when Blake hit _that_ spot and reached up to grab the pillow underneath his head, still using his arms to shield his eyes.

 

"Fuck Adam I'm gonna come," Blake groaned out and wrapped a hand around Adam's dick, moving it in time with his thrusts. He forced Adam's orgasm out of him at the same time he came into him, his hips thrusting erratically. Adam sobbed as he came, feeling the tears escape freely. He covered his face with his hands as he cried. "What? Adam what's wrong?" Blake asked frantically. He slipped out of Adam and sat back as Adam rolled away from him, crying into the pillow.

 

" _Shit_. I'm going to get a cloth to clean you up. I'll be right back babe," Blake reached to run a hand through Adam's hair, but pulled back at the last second. He hurried over to the en-suite bathroom and ran warm water over a clean cloth and hurried back over to the bed where Adam was now silently crying, his hands still covering his face. "Did I hurt you? Oh my God Adam I'm so sorry," he apologized profusely as he ran the warm cloth over the mess on Adam's stomach. "Adam please talk to me."

 

He wrapped a hand around Adam's elbow to coax the smaller man to uncover his face. Finally, Adam removed his hands, wiping at his face until Blake thumbed under his hazel eyes to wipe away the rest of the tears that had collected. "It's not your fault," Adam finally said, turning his head to kiss the palm of Blake's hand. "You were great. Amazing as usual. I'm fine…that way."

 

Blake waited for Adam to continue, but he didn't. He just sat with his face still turned towards the palm Blake had resting on his face. He noticed Adam's breathing becoming erratic and then Adam's body starting to slightly shake with sobs. "Hey, hey, hey," Blake coaxed and maneuvered to bring Adam into his arms, but Adam moved away, backing up towards the edge of the bed. Blake's heart sank. He knew what type of mood this was. It didn't happen very often, but he was adept to it.

 

"No, I'm okay," Adam said wiping at a few tears that had collected again.

 

"Adam, what's wrong? Have you been holding things in again?" Blake reached out a hand to Adam's knee. "You know I hate when you do that. You can talk to me when you’re hurt. No matter how small the reason seems to you it isn’t. Not if you’re hurt and not if you're going to hold it in until you break down again."

 

Adam started heaving sobs again and Blake just continued to rub his knee while he went through it. The first time this had happened it had been entirely new to Blake. They had been friends for years and Blake had never seen Adam break down completely the way he did. Sometimes it even confused Adam himself as to why he was so upset, but it usually had to do with a pile up of emotions over an extended period and then something happens that pushes it over. It had been over a year since Adam had cried like this.

 

Finally, Adam calmed down enough to talk. He was still trying to reign in his breath, but he was feeling a lot better. Usually it took one good cry and he was good for a while. "It's not your fault. Well… not entirely," Adam paused again.

 

Blake sighed, "So you’ve been holding things in." He wanted to chastise him about not coming to him about things, but he knew that was the wrong way to go about this. Adam needed comfort, not someone telling him he was wrong.

 

Adam nodded again taking in a deep breath and exhaling. "Um…," he looked away, stealing himself and then turned to Blake again, "A while back-- I think it started with this -- I was talking to my Dad on the phone about you and he made some dumb joke about me downgrading from models to a hillbilly. And it was stupid. I know he didn’t really mean it, but it just made me mad…and then sad. I hate when people don't even try to understand why I love you.

 

And then it's kind of been tough in the studio lately. There's been some tension with the band. We all kind of have different creative ideas and it's been harder than usual to find a compromise." Blake squeezed Adam's knee and continued rubbing it. "And then of course Derrick is a fucking asshole and I really don't like him, but Behati seems to like him and I have to be nice to him, but he's so fucking annoying." Blake chuckled and nodded for Adam to continue.

 

Adam paused looking down at Blake's huge hand on his knee and grounded himself in it. He wanted to be honest with Blake. It had been his actions that broke the dam of sorts. "And then you don't want to marry me," he felt kind of silly. Someone who hadn't even gotten married the first time until well into his 30's being so offended that his boyfriend didn't want to marry him. But he loved Blake and he wanted to say he was his husband. So, he let anger instead of sadness well up inside him and when Blake reached out to placate him, he jerked back.

 

And then fell.

 

"Adam!" Blake reached out to grab him, but it was too late. Adam had tumbled over the side of the bed and all he could hear was the loud thud of Adam's head colliding with the hard wood floor. Blake slid of the bed onto the floor next to Adam, panic taking over his clear thinking. Adam wasn't moving, and he wasn't responding to Blake's calls.

 

As Blake was about to stand up to find his cell phone Adam woke up, blinking at the ceiling and then frowning over at Blake.

 

"Oh thank God. You scared the crap out of me. Are you okay?" Blake sat back relieved and went to push Adam's hair back from his head.

 

"What are you doing? Blake stop!" Adam sat up, panic coursing through his veins as he realized both he and Blake were naked. "Oh my god, Blake what did we do? Why am I naked?" And then the slight ache in his lower body became abundantly clear and Adam felt a panic attack coming on. "We had sex?! Shit! Anne is going to kill me."

 

"Anne?! Anne V?"

 

"Yes Blake! My girlfriend!" Adam scrambled up, scattered. He started searching around the room for his clothes, looking around the bed and the surrounding floor. His head was pounding, and he felt dizzy, “Have we been drinking or something?”

 

"Adam please stop and listen to me," Blake said easing up from the floor. "We need to go to the hospital. You're not okay. You broke up with Anne 12 years ago."

 

Adam stopped. "12 years ago? What year is it? I thought it was 2011."

 

Blake sighed. Of all the years to retrograde back to he had to go back to the year that they first met. Of course, they had gotten along famously, but they we're strangers to each other then compared to now.

 

"Adam, it's 2024. Please sit down." He did, but not next to Blake. He sat across on the other side of the bed and Blake felt the distance in every cell of his body. He already missed his Adam so much.

 

"Can I ask questions first?" Adam asked, refusing to make eye contact with Blake. "Actually can we get dressed first?"

 

"Yeah, you have clothes in that closet" Blake pointed to the furthest door, the third door in the room, "And in that dresser."

 

Adam went to the dresser first, finding his more casual clothes, and put on a pair of sweats and a Maroon 5 t-shirt. Blake got up when he was done and went in that same dresser and pulled out some clothes of his own. When he finished they took their former places on the bed again.

 

"Okay so my first question is what happened with Anne?"

 

Blake shrugged, "I don't know. It just didn't work out. We were close when it happened, but you didn't tell me every minute detail of your life back then. You guys broke up in 2012"

 

Adam nodded and asked, "So we're together?" He watched Blake's nod of confirmation. "Me and you?  For how long?"

 

"We just celebrated our third year anniversary a couple of months ago."

 

"So… what's in between that?"

 

"Well," Blake scratched his beard. He was becoming slightly anxious. "You met Behati Prinsloo sometime after you and Anne broke up and you dated her and at first it didn't work out, but then y'all got back together and got married." Blake turned away, clenching his jaw at the thought. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he had been annoyed when that had happened. He could admit to himself now that that annoyance was jealousy. He had apparently had feelings for Adam for a long time.

 

"Oh," Adam responded, curiosity coursing through him, "What happened after that?"

 

"Well y'all had two kids. Kind of back to back. The oldest one was born in 2016. Her name is Dusty Rose. And the youngest one was born in 2018 and her name is Gio Grace. They're gorgeous," Blake smiled at the thought of his girls.

 

"So why did we not work out? Did I cheat on her with you?"

 

Blake frowned, "Life I guess. And no. It ended mutually. Y'all are still friends and co-parent very well together. You told me that you both kind of realized that your place as husband and wife in each other's lives had ran its course and it was time to pick another path."

 

Adam sat still in thought for a while. He had missed a lot. "So, when did we…" He gestured between them.

 

"When you got divorced you came to live with me and when we both left for tour we realized there was something there and we decided to check it out. We've been together ever since. It's working," Blake smiled as he remembered the months after Adam's divorce and how they had gotten together. Adam had made it seem so simple. Blake had been skeptical about Adam's feelings and whether they would work out, but they were here three years later and Adam hadn't had any regrets and he didn't either.

 

He thought over what they had been talking about before Adam had fell. Blake thought his reasons for not marrying Adam were justified, but maybe he was still skeptical…maybe that's why he didn't want the paperwork level of commitment. Did he still have fears about Adam leaving him?

 

"Can you show me my kids? Are they here?" Adam got up with a start and went over to the door he thought led to the hallway.  Blake got up after him, "They're not here, but I can show you where they sleep." He was hoping maybe showing Adam around the house would bring his memory back.

 

He led Adam down the hallway and up the backstairs to the second floor and then down to where the girl’s bedrooms were across the hall from each other. "They still sleep in the same room for now. They have bunk beds. But when they get older one of them will move to the other room," Blake pointed to the adjacent door.

 

They entered the room and Blake stood in the doorway as Adam looked around and picked up a picture of the four of them that was on the tall dresser in the corner. Dusty was standing in front of Blake, smiling big and wide and Adam had Gio in his arms. Blake came over and pointed out who was who and then showed him where the other pictures were in the room.

 

"I can't wait to see them," Adam finally said wistfully.

 

"Here I have videos on my phone," Blake pulled it out of the pocket he had stuck it in before they had left their bedroom. He pulled up his picture gallery and went to the most recent video. Gio was in his lap and Dusty was next to him and they were using funny filters they had found on Instagram. A halo of bubbles was circling around Gio's head as she giggled, and she held the phone up higher so Blake's face could be more seen. He lifted up an eyebrow and squinted one eye as the halo of bubbles circled his head. "My turn!" Dusty said off camera and she took the phone from Gio and smiled into the camera as the bubbles went around her forehead. Blake looked to see Adam's reaction and found the younger man smiling.

 

He showed Adam a few more videos, the girls at "tea" time, a sock puppet show, the girls doing yoga with Adam. Each video Adam got closer to him to get a better view of the screen. Blake watched his face helplessly, hoping that Adam's memories would come back any second. But they didn't. Adam was still stuck in 2011 and Blake didn't know if he was coming back.

 

"Adam we should really go to the hospital now," Blake finally said after the fifth video. He put his phone back in his pocket and Adam stepped away from the close space they had shared. Blake sighed. He didn't know if his heart could last however long Adam's memory would be gone.

 

"You're right," Adam said. Blake led him out the room and back down the stairs. He grabbed his keys from the key rack and Adam followed him to his truck. The drive to the ER wasn't terrible and soon they were checked in, sitting in those uncomfortable hospital chairs, waiting to be called on. Adam was silent. He was going through his phone. Blake had grabbed it for him before they left. For the first 30 minutes of waiting he had gone through all his pictures. Now he was going through his text messages to Blake.

 

Blake tried to give him his space and not look over his shoulder too many times. Adam would crack a smile at the jokes and memes they sent to each other and then kind of grimace at the risqué subject matter. Finally, Adam's name was called, and Blake had followed Adam and the nurse to the stall they put him in. They took him in and the nurse went through the usual procedures and asked what the problem was. Blake explained to him that Adam had fallen and hit his head and was now having memory loss issues. The nurse jotted it down on his clipboard and then told them that the doctor would be with them soon. They waited awkwardly for another 30 minutes or so until the doctor pulled back the curtain and rushed in.

 

"Adam Levine?" He asked.

 

"Yeah," Adam nodded.

 

"What's your date of birth, if you remember?"

 

"March 18th, 1979."

 

"Have you consumed any alcohol today and are you on any illegal drugs?"

 

"No and I…I smoke weed sometimes that I remember. I don't know if I do now," he turned to look at Blake.

 

"That's legal now," Blake whispered.

 

"What? Really?" Adam asked, shocked.

 

"Are you on any medication?"

 

Adam looked at Blake again and Blake told the doctor no.

 

"Is there a family history of any neurological or psychiatric conditions?"

 

"No sir."

 

"What's the last thing you remember?"

 

"The last thing I remember is winning The Voice in 2011," Adam shot a look at Blake and smirked.

 

Blake shook his head, amused.

 

"Alright well we'll do a CAT scan to see if there is any injuries to the brain. Otherwise you'll just have to wait this out Mr. Levine. Of course, you could visit a neurologist and get another opinion if you're not satisfied."

 

"Okay, thank you doctor," Adam said. They prepped him for the scan and when he was ready they took him to it. It came back that Adam had a very small concussion and would need to be careful about that for a few days, but other than that he was fine. Adam's head trauma hadn't been that traumatic so the doctor was unsure as to why the retrograde amnesia had a occurred, but he was certain that it wouldn't last long. Blake thanked him, relieved and led Adam out the hospital.

 

When they arrived home Adam stood awkwardly in the foyer looking around the house. "Do you want me to show you around real quick?" Blake asked.

 

"Yes," Adam responded. So, Blake led him around the house, showing him the living room, the kitchen, the back yard with the pool, the game room, the playroom, the den, and the few other guest bedrooms. It was a big house.

 

They made their way around until they both stood in front of the door to master bedroom. "And this is our room," Blake said as he opened the door. "The bathroom is past that door," Blake said pointing to the adjacent door across the room. Adam looked around the room as if he hadn't been in it before and then turned to look at Blake. "Are you ready for bed?" Blake asked. "I know you must be exhausted." He crossed the room and pulled Adam in for a hug, but the smaller man tensed up in his arms. Blake pulled away immediately and looked down. He didn't want to hear what he knew Adam would say.

 

"Blake I'm sorry, but I can't sleep in here with you. I'm…i'm uncomfortable. I know that we're-- together, but what I remember being is just friends."

 

"I understand," Blake said forlornly, "You can sleep in one of the guest bedrooms if you want. Or maybe you can call James. I'm sure he'll let you stay with him."

 

"No, it's okay. I'll stay in one of the extra bedrooms. I know I'll be upset if my memories come back and I'm not here," Adam said and reached out hesitantly, but then confidently squeezed Blake's shoulder. Blake let some hope sink back in at his statement but didn't let it spread too far. God only knows how long this would last.

 

He watched as Adam peeked around in the dresser, closet, and his nightstand as he gathered up some things to take with him. He made a couple trips back and forth and then finally said goodnight to Blake. Blake fell back into their bed, staring at the ceiling. This had already been a long night and now it was going to be longer. He was more than used to sleeping with Adam by now and not having him there always felt weird, but it felt especially weird now, knowing that Adam had chosen not to be there on purpose. He couldn't believe how their date had gone from great to horrific. When he closed his eyes, he could still see Adam crying on the bed and then in a flash he was on the floor passed out. Blake had been terrified. All he could do now was be supportive and help Adam get through this. If they made it through this he would marry Adam instantly.

 

\------------------

 

"Can we go see Behati and the girls?" Adam asked after they shared good mornings when Blake stumbled into the kitchen the next day.

 

"Sure. Do you want me to just give you the address or do you want me to take you?"

 

"You can take me. Is it weird that I'm actually enjoying being taken care of?"

 

"No, that's just you in general," Blake deadpanned and Adam laughed.

 

"Do you do a good job of taking care of me?" Adam asked in faux seriousness.

 

"Hmmm, with three years together and thirteen years of friendship I would say so," Blake said, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Well, thanks for taking care of me," Adam said bashfully as he stirred his cup of tea. He could admit to himself that Blake was cute in the morning, his hair a curly mess on top of his head all silver, gray and brown.

 

"Of course. I love you Adam. Nothing you can do will change that. Do you want me to call Behati for you? Or would you like to talk to her?"

 

Adam stopped stirring thoughtfully, "Let's call her together I guess. You can talk to her first and then I’ll talk to her, maybe. We can do it now. I'd like to see the girls as soon as possible."

 

Blake nodded and pulled his phone from his pocket. They had been up at the hospital well into the early morning, so it was around a little bit after 2 pm now. Behati and the kids should all be up and since Behati had nothing going on today the kids didn't have to go to daycare. He clicked on her contact and held his breath as the phone ring. Things between him and Behati and gotten a lot less awkward so she shouldn't be too surprised to see him calling.

 

"Hey Blake!" She said cheerfully into the phone when she picked up.

 

"Hi Behati."

 

She could sense from his tone that something was wrong, "Blake? What's going on?"

 

"Adam uh- Adam hit his head last night. He's okay. He just has a little minor concussion that should heal up in few days, but he does have amnesia. He doesn't remember anything past 2011."

 

Behati was silent on her end, just the light sound of her breathing. Finally, he heard her exhale a harsh breath, "He doesn't remember anything since then? Not your relationship, not me, not the kids?"

 

"No Bee. That's also why I'm calling. He wants to see the girls and you or course."

 

"Right. Well we're just chilling out. Derrick won't be home until six tonight. You guys can come over when you're ready. I'll let the girls know what to expect."

 

"Thanks Bee," Blake sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was starting to get a headache from the stress he'd been feeling since the night before.

 

"It's no problem Blake. Let me know if I can help with anything until his memories come back. I'll see you guys in a few." She hung up the phone and Blake turned off his screen and stuck his phone back in his pocket.

 

"So," Adam said interrupting the following silence from the phone call, "What's Anne doing these days? Do you know?"

 

Blake scratched the back of his head and fought the jealousy trying to surge its way through his veins, "She's married last I heard. Y'all don't really talk anymore."

 

"Yeah. Her number isn't in my phone."

 

Blake needed a drink. Instead he walked over to the window and thought about calling the pool cleaners to come early. The storm the other day had blown a lot of dirt and other debris into the water. The pool was heated so they liked to use it even when the temperature dipped down.

 

"Well I'm going to go get dressed I guess."

 

Blake nodded without turning around. He was starting to doubt if he could make it.

 

\-------------

 

They arrived at Behati's and hour and a half later. She opened the door hesitantly after they rang the bell and gave Blake a charming smile. She reached out her hand towards Adam as if they'd never met and he shook the hand she offered. "Hi Behati," Adam said.

 

"Blake? Dad?" Dusty's voice rang out from past the foyer. Blake followed Adam into the house, watching him look around with the interest people have when they're in a foreign location. The kids barreled into the foyer as Adam stopped to look at the pictures of the kids Behati had on the wall.

 

"Daddy? Are you okay?" Gio asked first as they stopped in their tracks and watched Adam cautiously.

 

Adam turned towards them his eyes lighting up, "Yeah I'm fine. I just bumped my head. But I should be good as new soon." He leaned down on one knee and held out his arms and the girls walked over before hugging him gingerly. "I'm not gonna break I promise. You can hug me tighter." So, they squeezed him and kissed his cheeks before running over to Blake and attacking his legs.

 

"Hey girls! You just saw me yesterday," he rubbed the tops of their heads.

 

"I know, but I missed you," Dusty said smiling up at him. "C'mon let's go play," Dusty took Blake's hand and pulled him off towards the living room while Gio went over to Adam and reached her hands up for him to pick her up. Before he could follow Blake, Behati grabbed his shoulder. "Do you want to talk later?" She whispered.

 

"Yeah that would be great," he told her and she squeezed his shoulder before he left.

 

The kids got over the fact that Adam couldn't remember anything quickly. They laughed at some of his some of his outlandish questions and answered the real ones easily. They seemed pretty content to tell him what they did like and what they didn't. Blake surveyed their interactions with pride. Adam was such a good father. Even with amnesia he was a natural. He so desperately wanted Adam's memory to come back, so they could continue working on having a kid of their own. Whether through adoption or surrogacy he really didn't care at this point.

 

After they'd been playing for a couple of hours Behati came in to tell them she was making dinner and asked Adam if he would like to help. He agreed and followed her into the kitchen.

 

"What do you need help with?" Adam asked gazing around at the tiled floors and marble counters.

 

"Nothing. I'm ordering. I was just thinking we could talk now. Do you want to sit down at the table? I have wine."

 

"Yeah that sounds perfect. Thank you." He said sitting down at the cherry red mahogany table. She followed with two glasses and a bottle of red.

 

"You like Merlot, right?" She asked as if she didn't know. He told her he did, and she poured him a tall glass and sat down in the chair across from his. "So, questions?"

 

A million different questions flew through his head as he pondered on which one he should ask first. "Blake told me that we divorced because we knew we weren't meant to be husband and wife anymore. Is that true?"

 

"Yeah basically," Behati replied, gazing past him as she thought. "The year before we divorced I noticed that I just felt differently about our relationship. I still loved you. But I wasn't in love with you. I thought it was something I had to fix so I told you how I felt and you said you'd been feeling the same way. So we went to therapy and it just wasn't clicking. We both just knew it was time to end it. That happens sometimes you know? We had a good run though. I really enjoyed being married to you. I promise," Behati made eye contact with him on the last part and gave him a little smile.

 

Adam dipped his head gazing back into his reflection on the shiny table. "Can you tell me about yourself?" He finally asked next.

 

"Well I'm Behati Prinsloo. We met in 2012 and got married in 2014. I'm a model. I've been modeling since I was sixteen. I did Victoria's Secret. I'm from Nambia. We have two kids that you have met. And also I'm ten years younger than you, but you wouldn't know that since I act so much more mature than you," she stuck her tongue out and he laughed.

 

"I can see why I married you," Adam said. "Are you sad that it didn't work out?"

 

"Nah," she scrunched up her nose. "We're both happy. Adam you love Blake so much. Please know that. Don't give it up."

 

"I'm not trying to," Adam said, "It's just so weird. I'm not gay. How did we even get together in the first place?"

 

Behati shrugged and sipped her wine, "All I know is that when we got divorced you moved into the house Blake usually always rents in LA and you went on tour and came back in love. I think living together and then being apart stirred up some feelings you didn't know you had. Adam right now you're in a place where you haven't experienced the full extent of your relationship with Blake. You guys have been close for years. You and Blake were like this," she twisted her fingers together in example, "Before we even started dating and we started dating the following year that you can remember. And you guys got even closer than that if that's even possible. I mean sometimes I was jealous. I knew you weren't cheating on me, but you told him things you never told me.

 

So, when you guys told me you were dating it was weird, but I wasn't surprised. I really think you needed the ten years it took before you guys started dating to prepare yourself for the type of relationship you have now. Yesterday the Adam that I knew was still as confident three years later as he was the day he told me he was dating his best friend."

 

Adam nodded in understanding, "I'm going to try Bee. I mean where I'm at in my head Blake and I were already growing close, so I believe you. But it's just hard. It's like I woke up in a different world than the one I was in yesterday you know? It's a big adjustment."

 

"I know Adam. Just take your time. I'm here if you ever need me."

 

"Thanks, Behati."

 

"Call me Bee please. It's weird when you call me Behati. You didn't even call me that on our first date."

 

Suddenly the doorbell rang, "Yes! The Chinese is here," Behati jumped and ran towards the door. "Can you grab Blake and the kids? Derrick should be here soon." Adam agreed and went off towards the playroom. He found Blake on the floor with both girls squished into his lap while he read them a story.   

 

"And then the princess kissed the frog and the frog turned into a prince," he pointed at the page, "see that ugly old frog? That's what I looked like before your Dad kissed me."

 

"No, you didn't," Dusty giggled, falling back further into Blake's chest. "I remember. You still look the same."

 

"No, I do not! I'm telling you. I used to look like this ugly frog and then your Dad kissed me and turned me into a prince. Don't I look like a prince Gio?"

 

"Yes!" Gio replied.

 

"See Musty Dusty. I told you. I'm a changed man."

 

Adam cleared his throat, "So are you saying I'm the princess?"

 

Blake shrugged and grinned, full dimples on display. Adam felt his heart flutter, but he ignored it in favor of debating with Blake.

 

"I'm not a princess. I refuse to believe you have to take care of me that much."

 

Blake shook his head, "Princesses can be independent. You're an independent Princess that likes to be taken care of. There's a difference."

 

Adam rolled his eyes, "Whatever. Food's ready."

 

"Thank God I'm starving.”

 

"Me too!" The girls shouted in unison and jumped off Blake's lap and ran out the room. Adam followed without waiting for Blake, but the taller man caught up with him.

 

"Hey how are you feeling?" Blake asked quietly from behind him.

 

"I'm okay. It's just been a little crazy waking up to all of this. But I'm adjusting. The girls are amazing."

 

"I know," Blake smiled down at the floor.

 

"Did we talk about having kids of our own?" Adam suddenly asked, stopping to look at Blake.

 

Blake's heart beat sped up at the question. He was surprised by it. "Um yes, actually. We talked about it some more yesterday, before this" he gestured to Adam's head, "happened. You had brought up getting a surrogate…since I don't have any kids of my own."

 

"Oh." Adam contemplated the notion and then began to walk towards the kitchen again.

 

Derrick came in a few minutes after they had started eating. "Hey sorry I'm late babe," he went over and gave Behati a kiss on the cheek. He went over to Adam next and stuck out his head. Adam shook his hand after a moment of hesitation. By the look on Adam's face Blake could tell that even with no memory of Derrick he still didn't like him. Blake inwardly laughed at that. "Hey Adam. Bee told me everything. Sorry about your head bud."

 

"Thanks," Adam pulled his hand back and turned to Blake and rolled his eyes.

 

When they left dinner that night after Behati confirmed with them again that they were coming over for Thanksgiving that Thursday, Adam had asked Blake if Derrick was really the douchebag that he could tell he was. Blake cackled and that told him he was.

 

"Ugh. Poor Bee. She'll learn one day though. That asshole will show his true colors I'm sure."

 

Blake shrugged and smirked at Adam, "I don't know. She married you and it took seven years for her to realize you were a dick."

 

"Idiot," Adam halfheartedly punched Blake's shoulder. Suddenly Blake froze and then swore under her breath. "What? What's wrong? I know I didn't hit you that hard."

 

"No, you didn't...um…well I forgot that that we have to film The Voice tomorrow. It's the Top 12 performances." Blake turned to Adam and grimaced, "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

 

"….What?! We're _still_ on The Voice?"

 

"Yeah it's been thirteen years."

 

"What the fuck…that's crazy. I never thought I would stay and do it that long."

 

Blake grinned, "Me neither. But we still love it. I don't know how or why."

 

Adam gazed out the window thoughtfully as Blake finally pulled out the driveway.

 

\------------

 

When they arrived home, Adam said goodnight to Blake and headed upstairs to the guest bedroom after a reminder that they had to be on set tomorrow.

 

Blake headed to their room sullenly after that, mourning another night’s sleep alone. A part of him felt like he was walking on eggshells around the younger man. He didn't want to make Adam uncomfortable, but every cell in his body missed him. After finally getting over his slight fear that Adam would leave him at any moment he had Adam ripped away from him without a minute’s notice.

 

He sighed as the crawled under the covers and turned out the light. This was going to be harder then he thought it would.

 


	2. In The Fall I Get Lonely

They arrived on set earlier than usual to discuss with the producers and directors Adam's condition. After that they both met with Adam's team to explain to them what happened as well. Adam promised that he would still coach them to the best of his ability and asked them to be patient with him as he got to know them all again.

 

As they were on their way to makeup they passed by Christina's trailer just as she was getting out. "Hi Adam! Hi Blake!" She said cheerfully as she exited.

 

Adam stopped in his tracks and gave Blake a weird look before addressing her "Hello Christina. You're in a good mood today."

 

"What? I'm always in a good mood."

 

"Meh. Sometimes."

 

Christina gave Blake a quizzical look before turning back to Adam, "I mean yeah I've had bad moods in the past, but I'm doing better. You know that. I'm doing the whole natural thing."

 

"Oh…right."

 

Christina gave the pair a critical look noticing how Blake seemed to be keeping his distance from Adam. Finally, she asked, "What's wrong? Are you guys fighting? …. DID YOU BREAK UP? Oh my God!"

 

Adam blanched and looked up at Blake, "Does everyone know?"

 

"What? No! We're fine, but Adam lost his memory," he said, ignoring Adam’s question.

 

"Oh…shit! That's why he was acting weird. Adam are you okay?"

 

Adam hunched his shoulders a bit and shrugged, "I could be better."

 

Christina gave him a pitying look and awed, "Poor thing. What's the last thing you remember."

 

"Only a little bit past the first season of the Voice."

 

Christina's blue eyes went wide, "Oh." She paused and gave him an apprehensive look, "You've forgotten a lot then."

 

A stage hand came by and ushered them to makeup after that, filling Adam with solace. Christina's whole new look and demeanor was off-putting, and he was already overwhelmed. Blake sensed Adam's disconcertion and laughed, "Don't worry. It took you a while to get used to her new _style_ even when you had your memories." They sat down in the available chairs and let the makeup artists dust them with this and that. Adam stared straight ahead silently and Blake let him have his space. He was glad they weren't filming the new season yet. It would be weird filming the Blinds if his and Adam's relationship was off beat and not its usual jabs and banter.

 

"So, you never answered my question. Does everyone know?" Adam asked as they finished with makeup and were waiting to be called to set

 

Blake sighed, "Yes. Everyone knows."

 

"I just figured we were on the down low since we were still on the show...So on the show do we act…normal?"

 

"We never acted normal on the show," Blake laughed, "We always joked around like idiots and touched too much. That's our normal I guess."

 

"So how are we still on the show since we came out? How was that whole process?"

 

"Well when we came out we had just finished the previous season and we had already started filming for the next season. They didn't want to cancel it, so they tried it out and we actually got _more_ views. We lost some of the faithful viewers, but most people didn't care cause we were already so close on the show to begin with. And we gained new viewers anyway so-"

 

"So, like the show actually did well?" Adam asked unbelievingly.

 

"Some would say better. They use our relationship for promotion even more now. Any clip of us acting goofy goes into the commercials for sure. Then they'll add a good hug or two."

 

"Does all the attention not strain our relationship?"

 

"Um…not really. Like I said we kind of act the same on the show as we did before we got together. Just a bit more consciously flirty, if that makes sense. We don't ever kiss on the show or anything…except for the one time," Blake muttered the last part under his breath, low enough so Adam couldn't hear it.

 

Blake pulled out his phone and googled the coaches group picture for their current season and showed it to Adam. Adam and Blake were standing across the room trying to frown, but clearly fighting smiles while Christina and Pharrell were slightly in front of them, arms looped together. "See this is what the promo looks like now. And this is how it looked before we got together." He googled another picture and showed Adam a picture of Blake and him with Alicia Keys and Miley Cyrus. They were all standing together in the group, with Blake and Adam looking at each other instead of the camera.

 

"See they make our relationship stand out more than they used to. And like I said they make a lot of commercials us-focused. They tried to do that with me and Gwen back in the day, but it backfired."

 

Adam shook his head and held up his hand, "Wait, wait back it up. You and Gwen? You dated Gwen Stefani?"

 

Blake scratched the back of his head, "Nah, not really it was a PR thing."

 

"Oh, thank God. That makes more sense."

 

Blake puffed up, "What? You don't think I can pull Gwen Stefani?"

 

"No, I'm sure you could. You're overwhelmingly charming and she's gullible. But still that would be a weird relationship."

 

Blake chuckled, "You hate it even without your memories of it. You're so jealous."

 

Adam crossed his arms and widened his stance, "No I'm not."

 

"Yeah you are. Adam, I know you and I can tell."

 

Adam flicked Blake off, "You know what? I'm going to go check in with my team again. See you later dick face."

 

\---------------

 

As the coaches entered the stage and greeted each other and took their chairs Adam could feel the audience’s energy surrounding him. It was the first thing that felt normal since waking up Saturday night.

 

It even helped him feel more at ease with Blake. He found himself falling into an easy back in forth with Blake when they were given the opportunity to talk after songs. During the commercial breaks Blake would come over to his chair and visit with him and make sure he was okay. The third time he did it Adam thanked him for being so nice. The fifth time he did it Adam kissed Blake's cheek and then immediately felt his face heat up as the crowd awed; he knew he was beet red. Blake laughed at Adam's face and told him he looked like a tomato.

 

Adam was blown away by his team as well. After each of his artists performances he felt a surge of pride. The talent this year was amazing, and he knew they had all worked very hard to get there. Even though he didn't know them very well he still knew he would be devastated to possibly see one of them go the next day.  During some of the songs Adam could feel a pair of eyes on him and he figured they belonged to Blake, but he was too in shock by the level of talent to return the attention.

 

They ended the show with an amazing performance by his own contestant, Anne Bedford, who was a powerhouse. She brought the roof down with a rendition of "Ain't No Sunshine" that she had turned into a soulful rock song. When she finished Adam was on his feet clapping, "How are you on my team?!!" He shouted when Carson asked for feedback from the judges.

 

"You stole me from Christina," she replied, her strawberry blonde hair falling into her face a little as she brought the microphone up to speak into it.

 

"Oh…" Adam said, "The question was rhetorical, but also that makes sense. Thank you for clarifying that for me. ANYWAY, you rock! I'm so happy you're on my team. All the hard work paid off. You're amazing and I love you."

 

The audience started clapping and Adam clapped along with them.

 

Christina went next, lamenting that Anne wasn't on her team anymore and congratulating the artist in an amazing performance. Pharrell congratulated her as well.

 

"I agree with Adam, Anne. You had an amazing performance. You gave me goose bumps. I'm still mad at you for picking Adam over me, but you are so great, and I hope you make it through to next week," Blake said earnestly when it was his time to talk. Adam looked down at his lap to try and hide the smile blooming on his face.

 

When the show ended they went straight to the 'red carpet' for various interviews. Usually Adam could care less during these type of things, but now he felt anxiety creeping its way through him. He knew he would be expected to answer certain questions a certain way and he wasn't positive that he would be able to do that. He looked around frantically for someone that he could get an excuse to leave from. Suddenly a lady with a clipboard came up to him, Blake by her side. "The coaches are gonna double up tonight and Adam you're with Blake," she pointed to a young girl next to her, "Teresa will lead you around to the networks that will be interviewing you."

 

And with that they were lead around to various interviewers. Adam let Blake lead the interviews silently enthralled at how well Blake intercepted uncomfortable questions that got thrown Adam's way. Blake fostered all questions about their relationship and Adam would just add some bullshit to solidify it and gaze up at Blake with his most realistic lovestruck smile. Most of the time Blake just returned the look with something of his own that read, you're not fooling me.

 

Adam could cry, he was so relieved, when Teresa finally told them they were done for the night. Him and Blake shot off without a moment’s notice and basically ran to Blake's truck. "That was exhausting. I hope my memory comes back so I don't have to feel this tired again any time soon. I think I have a migraine." Adam palmed a hand to his fore head and rubbed it.

 

"You really should get some rest. You probably are still feeling the effects of the concussion. Plus, we gotta be back tomorrow for the results show."

 

Adam groaned and leaned back into the seat, shutting his eyes and willing his brain to stop the unceasing pulsing that had been happening since he bumped his head. It hadn't been too bothersome until now when he was exhausted and wanted nothing else, but his bed. "Was I okay? Did I act 'normal'?" He asked Blake as they pulled up to the house.

 

"Yeah you seemed fine enough. I don't think anyone would suspect a thing. I called your manager and publicist and told them what happened, by the way. They'll let us know if any rumors pop up that need to be addressed or deterred."

 

"Thanks. I didn't even think about doing that."

 

Blake smiled, "Yeah, I'm used to being the brains in this relationship." Adam stared back at those blue eyes and dimpled smile as something foreign crawled up into his chest and sat there, making him feel helpless and confused. So instead he ignored it and opened the passenger door and got out. Blake did the same, following Adam as they walked up the pathway to the front door.

 

"I'm gonna head to bed," Adam told Blake after he opened the door and all but ran off towards the guest bedroom.

 

Blake stood watching, his heart sinking into his stomach.

\--------------

 

The next day of the Lives went easier than the first as Adam got used to how much the show had changed since he was on it in 2011. He could see why he had stayed. He even let himself get used to the new Christina after he found the little mannerisms that hadn't changed. She could still be a bit feisty, but she did it with humor in her eyes.

 

As the show went on more and more contestants were told they were safe until only two were left. Adam was ecstatic that neither of them were from his team. One was from Pharrell's team and the other from Blake's. He glanced over at Blake while they waited for the votes and tweets to be tallied up. Blake hid it well, but he could tell the older man was nervous.

 

And then suddenly Carson was calling out that Luke, Blake's team member, was safe. The show ended as Blake got up to give Luke a hug and Pharrell stood up to say goodbye to Adriana, his contestant.

 

"You're very talented! Don't give up!" Adam could hear Pharrell telling her as she cried in his arms. Adam got up from his chair and went over to where Blake and Luke stood. He gave Blake a hug and then congratulated Luke on being around for another week. "You had an amazing performance man. You just gotta bring it next week. This crowd can be fickle," he told Blake's contestant. They shook hands and Adam went off to find his team to congratulate them on being around for another week. After that Blake rounded Adam into the car and they went home.

 

It was starting to get easier for Adam to feel comfortable in the way he remembered feeling comfortable around Blake. Being on the show reminded him of their easy banter and teasing so he let himself fall back into that familiar pattern with Blake. Even now as they joked on the drive home he could almost forget that he had woken up in a different time where he and Blake were together and in love. Almost. It was easier to forget when the conversation was kept light and simple. So, Adam made sure to keep it that way, steering Blake away from deterring into a discussion about the elephant in the room that was Adam's brain. Blake wanted to know if Adam's head felt any better, but Adam knew just the mention of it would bring him back around to the real reality. Blake and Adam were more than just new best buds who talked about everything and nothing in particular. They were a thing. They were a couple. They were in love. Adam had a concussion. Adam had amnesia.

 

After a while Blake got the hint and Adam silently blessed him for being so perceptive. Blake continued to keep the conversation surface level until they got home, letting Adam in the house and closing the door behind them. Blake took that opportunity then to trap the elephant. "We should probably go get your head checked on tomorrow," he declared, his face set in determination and his hands in his pockets as he stood in front of Adam.

 

Adam swallowed and looked away. He wasn't used to seeing Blake so serious. "Okay," he muttered.

 

"I'll make an appointment with your physician first thing in the morning. You don't have to meet with your team until tomorrow evening, so we should have plenty of time," Blake stepped forward and reached his hand out to rub Adam's head, "Why don't you get some rest?"

 

Adam wanted to protest about being treated like a little kid, but he swallowed his annoyance down in favor of reveling in the soft feeling of Blake's hand on his head as Blake ran his hand back and forth. "That feels good," he uttered softly, and Blake chuckled.

 

"You always like having your head rubbed. Especially when it's shaved." And then he pulled his hand back and Adam found himself trying to follow, before he realized what he was doing and stopped.

 

They stood there awkwardly, staring at each other and Adam felt his heart start to race as Blake's eyes traveled down and then back up. "I'm going to bed," he finally announced, stepping back and breaking the current traveling between them. Blake nodded silently and turned around heading towards the kitchen.

 

"Where are you going?" Adam asked, calling out to Blake' back.

 

"To get a drink."

 

Adam found himself following, entering the kitchen behind Blake and grabbing a wine glass from the cabinet where he had found them earlier, barely registering Blake's look of confusion. "Wine helps me sleep."

 

"I know," Blake muttered. He opened the door to the fridge and grabbed the wine bottle. "I was gonna have some vodka, but wine helps me sleep too."

 

So, Adam grabbed another wine glass and set them on the counter next to Blake, watching as the red liquid tumbled into the glasses as Blake poured. He took the one closest to him as Blake put the bottle away. They drank silently, Adam's hazel eyes appraising Blake as he gulped his glass down. Blake noticed Adam watching and gave him a bright smile when he finished. Adam returned it behind the wine glass as he took a final sip.

 

Blake took the empty glass when he finished and quickly washed it in the sink along with his. Adam took a towel hanging from the rack next to him and dried them as Blake finished and put them away. "Are you ready for bed now?" He asked when they were done.

 

"Why? Are you coming?" Blake queried, a hopeful lilt at the end of his question.

 

"No…"

 

"Then I’ll probably stay up for a little bit longer," Blake responded.

 

"Why? Aren't you tired?" Adam asked exasperated. He didn't know why he cared so much.

 

"I'm not ready to go to bed Adam!" Blake asserted, frustration etched in every line of his face. And then he deflated turning away a bit, "I've been having trouble sleeping without you."

 

Adam's eyes widened, stunned as he surveyed Blake's defeated stance. He had no idea how to address the comment and instead stood there for a while, every inch of him wanting to pull Blake in for a hug and console him and promise to do everything in his power to get his memories back. Finally, he rested a hand on Blake's back until the taller man turned around to look at him, anguish in his eyes. "Blake, I want to get better. I want to be your Adam again. Please be patient with me."

 

Blake stared at him for a second, before bringing Adam in for bone breaking hug. "I'm trying. Please be patient with me too," he whispered and then hesitantly kissed Adam's cheek.

 

"See? I didn't even squirm away," Adam said, smiling.

 

"This time," Blake laughed, "Probably just the wine making you more uninhibited. Alright go to bed little rockstar. I'll see you in the morning."

 

"Ugh I'm not little," Adam groaned as he turned around and headed for the doorway of the kitchen.

 

"Yes, you are. You're just so tiny," Blake teased, a palm on Adam's back guiding him. Adam went to respond, but then felt the heat of that palm spread through him like a wild fire. Maybe that wine _was_ making him a bit uninhibited.

 

Blake led him towards the front staircase and removed his hand from Adam's back shrinking back into himself as he dolefully wished Adam goodnight. Adam returned the sentiment before ascending the staircase, watching Blake's hunched back as he headed towards their bedroom. A lyric from a song one of Pharrell's contestants sang popped into his head, _I'm feeling all my freaking feelings…_

 

\------------

 

True to his word Blake called Adam's doctor early in the morning and got him a 9 o' clock appointment. The doctor cleared Adam of his concussion and recommended a neurologist for Adam if he wanted to be seen for his amnesia. Adam didn't want to though. He figured if his memories were still gone in couple of weeks then maybe he'd consider it, but from all the movies he had seen, amnesia was just one of those hurry up and wait things.

 

Fortunately, things between him and Blake were still comfortable. They were back to easy and simple and it was working for them. Blake swung Adam by all the meetings he had for the day attending them with him in case he knew something that Adam had forgotten. Then they arrived at the Voice to prepare the contestants for the Top 11 performances. Adam was shocked to find out that they let the artists have more control when picking songs for the live performances now. As song decision went he was pretty much there to make sure they didn't pick something completely wrong for them. His team this year was super talented, so he didn't for see that ever being an issue. He left the set that day with Blake feeling satisfied and exhausted.

 

They drove home in comfortable silence that night each in their own thoughts. Blake didn't speak until they arrived at the house each ready to part ways. "Tomorrow's Thanksgiving at Behati's," he reminded Adam before heading off to bed.

 

Despite being tired that night Adam lay in bed restless, a pent-up energy in him that was usually only exhausted by sex. He squeezed his hand around his pillow as he buried his head into it. He didn't really want to do this right now, his dick hardening without any real sexual thought. He surrendered to the urge, reaching down and wrapping his hand around his cock, following his usual familiar rhythm. He let his mind wander thinking about his last memory of having sex with Anne, the way she had moaned underneath him. He bucked into his hand, groaning out, his grip tightening as he reached the base. He slowed down his movements to stave off his orgasm a bit longer, letting his thoughts slip away from him. He thought about how Blake's hand had felt on his back the night before and the warmth that had spread through him and how safe he had felt. He gripped his dick tighter as he thought about how those hands would feel on his exposed skin, tracing his tattoos, and how those hands would feel on his cock and then he came thinking about Blake giving him a hand job. He sighed, sinking into the sheets, relieved as the restless feeling melted away. He wiped his hand on the sheets beneath him and made a mental note to wash them before they left the next day. He snuggled back into the pillow ready for sleep to hit, before his eyes slammed open as he realized what he just came thinking about.

 

He cursed and made a mental note to never do it again.

 

\--------------

 

"Hey Adam! Hey Blake!" Derrick exclaimed when he opened the door. "Come on in! Everyone's in the living room."

 

They entered, stripping off their jackets, before heading into the living room. Dusty and Gio were sitting on the floor playing a board game while Derrick's parents were talking with Behati.

 

"Oh, your family is here…" Blake said.

 

"Yeah they flew in as a surprise! Isn't that great?" Derrick said excitedly.

 

"Yeah that's…wonderful," Adam replied. He turned and gave Blake an alarmed look and Blake shrugged.

 

"Girls! Your Dad and his boyfriend are here!" Derrick shouted out towards the girls.

 

Blake rolled his eyes hard and muttered, "Dick."

 

"Daddy! Blake!" Dusty shouted and ran towards the men. Gio followed, swooping in and attacking Adam's legs first, while Dusty went to Blake.

 

"Hey Gio," Adam smiled, picking her up and planting a kiss on her cheek. He put her down and switched off with Blake, giving Dusty a kiss on the cheek as well.

 

Adam went over to Behati and greeted her before introducing himself to Derrick's parents.

 

"Oh, we've met before. Behati just filled us in on your head trauma, you poor thing," Derrick's mom lamented, reaching up to cup Adam's cheek, "I'm Beth and this is my husband Garrett."

 

"Hi Garrett," he said reaching out to shake the older man's hand. Blake came over and greeted the older couple and they gave each other a look, before greeting Blake warmly. It was fake though and Adam noticed, feeling a surge of protective anger run through him. He could see where Derrick got his homophobia from. He'd rather someone be real with him than fake, so he didn't have time for their mollifying bullshit.

 

Blake perceptive as always seemed to notice Adam's annoyance and turned to Behati, "When's turkey time?"

 

She looked at her phone, "Actually in a few minutes! I'll go put the rolls in the oven." She made to stand up, but Blake put a hand out.

 

"Don't worry about it, me and Adam will do it." He took Adam's arm and pulled him off towards the kitchen.

 

"Thank you, my knight, in shining armor," Adam laughed once they were safely in the other room.

 

"Eh you could have saved yourself, but I like being a hero," Blake smiled. Adam stood by as Blake did what he said he was going to do and followed the directions for heating up the rolls that was on the back of the pack. Adam surveyed him, seeing how much bigger his hands were in comparison to the pack and felt a chill run through him that he stamped down.

 

"Still, thank you."

 

"It's no problem, really," Blake finished what he was doing and turned around to face Adam. They stared at each other for a while and then Blake grinned, his dimples two little cute craters on his face. "The first time you met them we had to leave early. You said that Beth was throwing 'shade' about our relationship. That lady hides her homophobia behind backhanded compliments. It's awful."

 

"Yeah that's obvious. She made that face at her husband when you said hi. I wanted to say something, but I don't want to ruin the day."

 

"Yeah, a lot of people think I'm gay and not bisexual, because I never had kids with any of my wives. They think I was just in the closet for years and they were my beards or something. And then of course the whole thing with Gwen…people realized it was fake and that fueled it. Basically, they're all ruder to me because they think I'm more gay than you or something."

 

"What? That's ridiculous. How can you be more gay than somebody? I don't even want to eat dinner anymore; can we just go?"

 

"No, we have to stay. We promised Behati months ago we were having dinner here. Usually we go to Oklahoma, but she wanted us to have Thanksgiving with the girls. Just do it for the girls.”

 

Adam crossed his arms and pouted as Blake came towards him, arms out for a hug. “We don’t have to stay all night, but we at least have to eat dinner.”

 

Adam nodded and sank into the hug, until the oven beeped, and Blake retreated to take the rolls out. Adam followed Blake sullenly after that as he went back into the living room to announce that the rolls were done. Everyone leaped up excitedly and Behati asked Blake to help her cut the turkey, leaving Adam without someone to help him navigate awkward conversations. As he sat down at the table the girls on his left side and an open chair next to him for Blake he found himself being regarded by Beth. She smiled when he caught her staring, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how has your…relationship…been affected by your memory loss? Are you and Blake doing okay?” She asked as in fake concern. Adam felt his blood boil and he dug his fingernails into the bed of his palms to keep from making a bad decision.

 

“Excuse me Beth if I seem rude, but I really feel like that is none of your business. I don’t remember what our relationship was like before, but I don’t know you now and I don’t feel like my relationship with Blake is any of your concern.”

 

She shut her mouth, clenching her jaw, giving her husband a look before excusing herself to go to the restroom. “Good job Daddy,” Dusty whispered in his ear when she walked away, and he gave her a brief smile.

 

“Alright!” Blake clapped his hands loudly as he entered the dining room, “Who’s ready for turkey?”

 

“Me!” the girls raised their hands in the air as they shouted.

 

“Leg, wing, or breast?”

 

“Leg please,” Dusty said.

 

“Breast please,” Gio said after.

 

“Mac and cheese, green beans, stuffing, and mashed potatoes?” He asked and both girls nodded.

 

“What about you Mr. Trent?” He asked Derrick’s father.

 

“Don’t worry about it. I can make my own plate,” he said, making to stand up.

 

“No, I got you Dad,” Derrick shouted from the kitchen.

 

Garrett sat back down with that and Blake looked at Adam and rolled his eyes. “What about you Adam? Wing, some breast, green beans, and mashed potatoes?”

 

Adam nodded, “Yes that sounds right.”

 

Blake pointed to his head and raised his eyebrows and Adam laughed. Blake did know him well.

 

The night followed without any more remarks from Mrs. Trent so Adam whispered to Blake that he didn’t mind staying longer and they ended up playing with the kids for a while before joining the Trent’s and Behati for some wine in the living room. Blake sank on the couch, right next to Adam and Adam found his tired body sinking into Blake’s side sosBlake put an arm around him, pulling him in further. They chatted for awhile until sleep started to come over Adam.

 

“Aww look at your boy, out like a light,” Derrick commented, and Adam sat up, fixing Derrick with a heated look, before looking up at Blake.

 

“Well, we’re gonna head out now. Thanks for dinner Behati. It was nice seeing you again, Beth and Garrett,” He ignored Derrick and helped Adam up to his feet, steadying him with a palm on his back when he got up. Adam moved away from it and ignored Blake’s sigh. It wasn’t that Adam was embarrassed, but he wasn’t in the mood for Beth’s stares or the weird feeling that Blake’s hand did there. He called out for the girls and they ran into the room to say goodbye, rubbing Adam on the head as he bent down to hug them.

 

“Bye Blakey,” Dusty said giving Blake a high five and letting Blake pull her in for a hug.

 

“See you later, Musty Dusty,” he returned and let out an “oof” as Gio attack hugged the back of his knees.

 

They left the house after that, a sense of relief washing over Adam, as pure as the night air. They were silent on the drive home and Adam felt like he should apologize for something even though he did nothing wrong. “Mrs. Trent tried to ask me if our relationship was suffering because of my accident,” he finally said, peeking over at Blake to see his reaction.

 

He saw Blake’s jaw clench before he stated that he knew. “I heard her in the kitchen. You handled it though,” he gave Adam a quick smile, before turning back towards the road. They didn’t talk again after that and this time when they got home it was Adam who pulled Blake in for a hug before saying goodnight.

 

 


	3. I'm Good At Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short. Next chapter will be up very soon!

The week after Thanksgiving came and went. Blake ended up losing Luke on the Top 11 results show and Adam could tell he took it to heart. Luke was probably the most talented artist on Blake's team, but that's obviously not what America thought. That left Blake and Pharrell with two artists and Christina and Adam with their three.

 

Blake and Adam had been spending all their free time outside of their other obligations with their team, but today they had scheduled their rehearsals as early as possible to fit some time in that evening for themselves. Blake suggested the idea earlier in the week and Adam has thought it was a good idea, until they were on the way home and he felt himself getting nervous. He knew Blake wouldn't make him do anything he wanted to do, but for some reason the idea of spending real genuine time with Blake made him anxious. Since he had woken up with thirteen years of his life missing he and Blake hadn't purposely hung out just the two of them. It was the fall and they were busy filming the Voice, doing interviews, and Maroon 5 had just put out an album some weeks before Adam's incident so he had been spending any time he wasn't on set in the studio rehearsing songs he was supposed to know.

 

So of course, when Blake had come to him with the idea of doing early rehearsals and freeing up their Thursday evening schedule Adam's immediate thought was to say yes, and he did. He didn't realize that Blake had intended that they spend time…together.

 

"Do you want to go out to dinner? Or we could pick something up? Or I could cook?" Blake finally broke the silence as they were driving home from watching their contestants rehearse.

 

Adam would rather be awkward in a place where he could at least comfortably escape to his bedroom or something. "Cooking at home sounds good. Or we could have something delivered. I don't care."

 

"I actually was craving cinnamon rolls the other day and I thought wouldn't it be cool if we made cinnamon rolls together? That would be fun, right?"

 

"Cinnamon rolls?" Adam asked, giving Blake a look of confused judgement.

 

"Yeah! Cinnamon rolls. Wouldn't it be fun?"

 

"I mean…. sure. Why not?"

 

"We can make an extra batch for when the girls come over tomorrow night. I think they'd like that."

 

Adam smiled, thinking about his daughters. Dusty was such a spunky creature and he could see that she got that from not only him, but her mom as well. And Gio, she was so sweet and so smart already. He could already see her blazing trails in the future and wanting to do things her own way. Both would be keeping him on his toes for sure. And then he thought about what Blake had told him the other day, how they had discussed having a kid of their own together. What would that child be like?

 

"Adam. Adam?" Blake called out, breaking Adam out of his reverie.

 

Adam turned to him, lifting his eyebrows in a silent, ‘What?’

 

"We're home," Blake responded pointing at their house, "We've been here for five minutes."

 

"Oh," they exited the vehicle and entered the house.

 

"I was serious about cinnamon rolls," Blake yelled as he walked into the kitchen.

 

"Why didn't you just pick some up on the way here?"

 

"’Cause baking is fun."

 

Adam made a face, "Since when do you like baking? Last I knew, you liked killing poor animals and eating them."

 

"With ketchup."

 

"Yeah…with ketchup."

 

Blake lifted up his shoulders and smiled, "I don't know. I guess Behati bakes with the girls and when they started coming over here they would ask to make things. So now I like baking." He reached into a cabinet and pulled out all the ingredients he needed. "So, are you going to help?"

 

Adam did help, and he wouldn't admit to anyone that he had fun. Blake directed him well and gave him a blank look when Adam called him a modern-day Betty Crocker as he rolled up the cinnamon roll and cut it into pieces. They made a second one too, to save for the kids.  Blake then suggested they go ahead and make the icing as they waited for the oven to heat up. That part was the easiest and just took a few minutes of mixing powder sugar and milk.

 

"Boop!" Adam said as he scooped up some icing from the bowl and reached out to place it on Blake's nose. Blake intercepted it though, moving his head higher to suck Adam's pointer finger into his mouth, licking off the icing. He let Adam's finger go with a wet pop and Adam's just stood there for a second, shaken. And then Blake was using his own finger to scoop out icing and place it on Adam's nose. He shook off the earlier shock and scrunched up his nose and stuck his tongue up to lick off the icing. He couldn't reach it though and Blake laughed and then grabbed Adam's head. Adam squirmed as Blake bent down but froze as Blake got closer.

 

And then Blake flicked his tongue out, licking the icing off the tip of his nose, and backed away, guffawing at Adam. "You should see your face!" He turned away and collapsed onto the counter, his body shaking with laughter.

 

"Idiot," Adam grumbled as his blood rushed to his face. The oven beeped, and Blake placed the rolls on the first rack and set the timer. He turned around when he was done and leaned back against the counter, his arms crossed, "So what do you want to do while we wait?"

Adam stood there for a second, taking in Blake. He was starting to become mad, because there was something about Blake that was sexy to him and he didn't understand it. Like now, how Blake was leaning against the counter casually, his eyes alight with mirth. Something about it made Adam want to strip off Blake's pants and get on his knees. He shook his head to disburse the thoughts and tried to think of something they could do.

 

"Um…I don't know. What do we usually do in our free time together?" Blake smirked and gave Adam a pointed look. Adam rolled his eyes in response, "Besides that."

 

"What free time? Our time is split between our four children: Our music careers, The Voice, and Dusty and Gio."

 

"Blake c'mon. Be serious. What do we do when we have time away from all that and we're not having sex? You're about to make me not want to do anything with you. I could go to my room and take a nap, but I'm trying to be nice to you today."

 

Blake guffawed, "Well since you're going out of your way…Adam honestly we don't do anything. We just hang out like we always do. Whatever comes to mind we do it. Nothing much has changed since we started dating except that our feelings for each other are romantic and sexual and not platonic. So, whatever you want to do let's do it! We already did what I wanted to do."

 

Adam stood there quietly for a while thinking over the options that came to mind and then the oven timer beeped, and he couldn't help but laugh. "How did we waste twenty minutes just standing here?"

 

They spent the day on the couch after that, lazing around and watching TV. They ended up watching episodes of their current season of the Voice, starting off with the Blinds and it made Adam's heart constrict to see himself so openly in love. It was so obvious. Anytime he looked at Blake or if Blake's name was mentioned he would see his own face light up like the North Star.

 

He and Blake argued a lot…if you could call it that. It was basically flirting in the way kindergartens do by pulling on each other's pig tails and chasing each other around the playground. Adam and Blake went out of their way to "annoy" the other, but the reaction was always a laugh or a smile.

 

Adam watched Blake out of the corner of his eye every time they would have a moment on the screen. Most of the time Blake would laugh, but sometimes he was quiet, watching the screen with a distant look in his eye.

 

They cut the show off after the Blinds had finished. It was dark outside and together they had finished the pan of cinnamon rolls, a pizza, and a six pack of beer. They were both tired and sated. Sometime during the night Adam had ended up tucking himself into Blake's side- now resting his head on Blake's shoulder. It felt natural, like he was made to fit. He wasn't drunk -because he had eaten too much food to be- but he was slightly buzzed and those thoughts he had been keeping at bay had been knocking on the door of his consciousness many times during the night.

 

"You used to hate the word bromance," Blake said, glancing down at Adam with a small smile.

 

"I do hate the word bromance. It's a stupid word."

 

Blake laughed, "Yeah you used to hate it. You got over it fast though."

 

He didn't speak anymore after that and they laid on the couch for a while silently until Blake said he was going to bed, making some excuse about gathering his energy for having the girls over for the weekend and leaving Adam alone with his treacherous thoughts and his whining heart.

 

\---------

 

_Blake gripped Adam's ass making him moan and thrust forward._

_"Wait are you…is there something-"_

_"I'm wearing a butt plug," Adam said, rubbing his heated face into Blake's shirt._

_The older man visibly inhaled before breathing out, "Shit," and squeezing Adam's ass again and pulling out another moan. He reached his hands down past the waistband of Adam's joggers and into his underwear, reaching in and pressing a thumb against the base of the plug. "Have you been wearing this all day?"_

_Adam nodded into his chest, letting out another breathy moan._

_"You must be so worked up."_

_"Yeah," Adam agreed, rutting into Blake's leg a little._

_"Shh," Blake whispered, grabbing his hips to stop, "Strip and stand facing the wall. I'll be right back." And then he walked off. Adam did as he was told, tossing off his clothes looking at the chestnut brown wall smiling at he remembered the day he and Blake had went and picked out that color and painted the room themselves. He heard Blake rummaging through a drawer and then he was back, using his knee to shift Adam's legs open wider._

_"You're gonna fuck me here?" Adam asked._

_"Yeah, up against the wall. Let's change it up a little."_

_"I'm okay with that," he replied as Blake slowly pulled out the plug._

_Adam whined, resting his hot face against the cool wall. And then he heard a bottle clicking open and felt Blake's wet fingers pressing against his entrance. He fucked two in and then pressed in a third when he realized Adam was loose enough._

_"Just go ahead and fuck me Blake I'm ready."_

_He heard a condom wrapper opening as Blake laughed, "You get too mouthy. Maybe we should experiment with a gag."_

_"But my mouth is half the fun," Adam intoned, turning his head around slightly to watch Blake slide the condom on._

_Blake smiled "That's true." He gripped Adam's hips and lined up before pressing in, wrapping himself around Adam's back. Adam's hands were resting against the wall and he laid his hand on top of one, interlacing their fingers the best he could and giving Adam a kiss on the neck as he slowly built up a pace. He bit the smaller man's chin, nibbling at it until he turned around to kiss him, mouths meeting in a sloppy kiss. Adam bit Blake's bottom lip as they parted, before resting his head against the cool wall again, bending over a bit more so Blake could reach a different angle._

_And then Blake was picking up the pace fucking Adam into the wall. He wrapped a hand around Adam's cock and matched the strokes with the pace of his hips and--_

Adam gasped, his hips thrusting into the air as he came in his pants, gripping the sheets and groaning. He slowly blinked away sleep as he woke up fully, digging the heel of his hands into his eyes to aid the process and then groaned as images from the dream floated into his head again, making him come to terms with the reason he'd just came in his pants like a teenage boy.

 

Instead of facing facts he ignored them, stripping off the pants and wiping up the extra cum on his skin with them, before tossing them to the side and snuggling back into his pillow. He'd deal with it after more sleep.

 

\-------------

 

Adam got up the next day feeling a mixture of opposing emotions. He had to admit to himself that he was sexually attracted to Blake, but he still refused to accept it. So, he shied away from Blake's attempted morning hug and kept as much distance between them as possible until the doorbell rang, and they greeted Behati at the door as she dropped off the girls.

 

He was thankful for the distraction, so he didn't have to continue to see Blake's disappointed gaze every time they made eye contact. Blake seemed happy now that he got to see Gio and Dusty and Adam was starting to understand that those girls were as much Blake's kids as they were his and Behati's. He took care of those girls, disciplined them, spent time with them, and loved them. Later on, in the evening after Adam had spent on hour on the phone with his Mom, he found Blake in the girl's room. They were tucked into bed, asking Blake to tell them 'the story'.

 

Adam stayed back out of view. His head resting on the wall as he listened in.

 

"Haven't you girls heard it enough? I'm sure you're bored of it."

 

"Noooo. I want to hear it again!" Gio whined.

 

"Alright fine," Blake said and proceeded to tell them the story of when he first met Adam. It wasn't the story itself that was interesting, just the way that he told it and the way he seemed to remember every detail of something that happened so long ago for him, but what was only some odd months ago for Adam.

 

Adam remembered that day. Walking into the room late from a meeting before that and apologizing to everyone. He remembered looking at the mix of people and seeing Christina and Cee Lo and feeling a bit better about his choice of being there. And then he saw Blake with his blue eyes and wide smile and he couldn't help but smile back. He didn't know who Blake was then, but something had drawn him in. Blake had made a few jokes during the meeting that had Adam cracking up and when the meeting ended they had stayed back and chatted for a while. Neither of them had been sold on the idea of the show, but they figured they had nothing to lose and they were going to get paid so it was worth a try. Even though Blake seemed like a pretty interesting guy Adam had his pre-judgements of him because he was a southern, but the more they had spent time together in preparation for the show and on the show and even outside of it, Blake had blown most of the judgements out of the water.

 

After Blake finished the story the girls asked for an actual book to be read and Adam chose then to walk in casually as if he hadn't been standing there the whole time. "Are we doing bedtime stories?" The girls said yes, and Blake asked him if he wanted to read instead. So, he did, sitting on the edge of Gio's bunk bed and smoothing her hair back as he read. She fell asleep first, in the middle of the story, but he finished it anyway, because Blake mouthed that Dusty was still awake. As he closed the book, he stood up and gave Dusty a kiss goodnight.

 

He followed Blake out of the room and closed the door behind them. They watched each other in the hall until Blake broke eye contact first, "I guess you're going to bed now."

 

"I--yeah," Adam scratched the back of his head. He wanted to chill with Blake and laugh over nothing, but he didn't want the weird feelings that followed.

 

"Well, goodnight," Blake gave him a half-hearted smile and walked down the stairs.

 

\------------

 

_Adam was laying on a yoga mat in shavasana having just finished a flow. He breathed in deeply, enjoying his final relaxation pose, listening to the birds and the insects and enjoying the fresh air._

_Blake was there. He couldn't see him, but he could feel his presence. He sat up after another breath and looked around at the beautiful scenery, Oklahoma was always so pretty in the fall. And there was Blake, sitting on the porch, scribbling something down in his notebook._

 

_Adam stood up, rolling up his mat, and walking over to the porch. Blake looked up and smiled as he came over, his light blue eyes appraising him. "Whatcha doin?" Adam asked, peering over Blake's shoulder._

 

_"Writing a song," Blake smiled, turning his head up to give Adam a kiss._

_"He looks like summer and feels like rain. My heart beats fast when he calls out my name…Are you writing this for a teenager?"_

 

_Blake covered his eyes and laughed, "No. I don't know. I'm just writing."_

_"I love it," Adam kissed Blake again, "I love you."_

 

\-------------

 

The weekend came and went, and they dropped off the girls on their way to set on Monday. Blake found that Adam had been really quiet lately, his eyes almost constantly glazed over as he stayed in his head. He didn't know what to do to coax him out and figured maybe it was just a process Adam had to go through. He knew none of this had been easy for him. Whenever he found himself getting frustrated or mad he put himself in Adam's shoes and figured if he had woken up in this time without thirteen years of memories and thought it was 2011 he would be handling it a lot worse. He had found it hard getting over Miranda when they divorced, and he figured if had woken up in a 2011 mindset thinking they were still married and found out they weren't, he would not of taken it well. And despite there always being an underlying sexual attraction and romantic interest in Adam he didn't know if he would have taken finding out they were together well or not. He had grown a lot in the ten years it had taken for them to get together.

 

Adam livened up a bit when they got on set, chatting animatedly with Christina and Pharrell and even making a few jokes with Blake. And by the time they finished the show that night he seemed in great spirits, so Blake let his previous worries go, until the next day when he woke up and found Adam even more distant and, in his head, then the previous day. Adam barely acknowledged him when he walked into the kitchen that morning and left immediately after finishing his food.

 

\-------------

 

Adam had had another sex dream about Blake the night after the Top 10 Performances. He had had continually had weird, but cute dreams about Blake all weekend, but those were easier to handle than this. It had felt so real it haunted him and he was starting to think that maybe it _was_ real. Maybe those were his memories. But he didn't let himself think that for too long, because remembering that not only were him a Blake a romantic thing, but a sexual thing was sure to send him into a panic.

 

He didn't know why he was having such a tough time accepting it. He had always known his brother was gay and he had never cared. But this was Blake. This was so far outside of Adam's norm. It had never been a thought when he had met Blake and he was still trying to understand how he got there even though he could see how every time he and Blake interacted. He could see how he could fall in love with Blake's nuances. He could even see how he could find Blake sexually attractive. But he didn't want to see it. He couldn't let himself go.

 

But the dream. He had walked into a living room, a different one from the one they had now, and he had found Blake sitting on the couch. He had climbed into his lap and he had…and they had... and Adam had said something so dumb and about saving a horse and riding a cowboy. He cringed thinking about it now.

 

He tried to keep his thoughts blank as they arrived on set that afternoon and it was like a safe-haven being there. He finally let himself breathe and enjoy the energy of being there, until one of his contestants was sent home along with another of Blake's. It was Jake his soul rock singer and he was sad to see him go, giving him a reluctant hug and farewell wishes. He really thought Jake would make it to the finale, but he was starting to realize that he couldn't always trust what he thought the future would be.

 


	4. It Feels Like I've Been Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter yes, but the last chapter is almost done and will be longer.

"Hi Anne," Adam smiled as the 23-year-old entered the room. He remembered feeling the slight sting in his chest the first time he met her, his heart still coming to terms with the fact that him and his Anne weren't a thing anymore and hadn't been a thing for over a decade. But that had been weeks ago, and he was surprisingly over Anne now, those uncomfortable thoughts about Blake now taking her place.

 

She returned his salutation and he stood up to give her a hug. "Do you have a song choice, or should we discuss some of the ones I've had on the back burner?" He asked as they parted, and she settled down in the chair in front of him.

 

“Actually, I do have a song choice," Anne replied, smoothing out her skirt and then reaching in her bag for her the lyric sheet. "Have you heard No Light, No Light by Florence and the Machine?" She asked.

 

"No, I haven't. Is that off of a recent album?"

 

"No. That's why I'm asking. It's from Ceremonials which was released in October of 2011."

 

"Oh really? I remember hearing about it coming out, but I don't think I listened to it before the last thing I remember. So, you're singing that song?"

 

Anne nodded, "I've been thinking how I want the performance to look like and I would love to have a choir come in at the end of it."

 

Adam thought it over, "Let's see what we're working with first. Start it off from the top."

 

Anne jumped up from her chair and went to stand behind the mic. She started the song and Adam followed along with the lyric sheet she had given him, blood pounding in his ears as his heart beat became more rapid. He was rubbing at his eyes, willing tears to stay at bay when she finished.

 

"Hey are you okay?" She asked coming around from the behind the mic to approach Adam apprehensively.

 

"Yeah I'm fine. I just have something in my eye," he replied reaching down for the water bottle by his chair to avoid eye contact.

 

"Okay," she said skeptically.

 

He sighed and looked you at her when he had reigned the tears back. "The song is a great fit for your range. I definitely think you should do it. And—” he pointed to his face to relay why he had been crying, “--the song just feels a bit relevant...y'know?"

 

She gave him a soft smile in understanding, "Yeah it's relevant for me too."

 

\----------------

 

"Hey, how was your rehearsals?" Blake asked as Adam entered the house. He was leaning back on the couch, drinking a beer and watching a show Adam didn't recognize on the television.

 

"It was great!" Adam responded, "I'm really looking forward to next Monday. My artists are going to kill it. I'm pretty positive Anne is going to be in the finale."

 

"Oh yeah she will be for sure. She's talented," Blake commented after he took a sip of his beer.

 

"Are you afraid you're going to lose this year?" Adam teased, coming to stand in front of Blake, blocking his view of the TV. He fully expected Blake to go on his usual rant about how just because Adam remembered winning and not all the times Blake had won since 2011, didn't mean that Adam had an excuse to get cocky again; and that he was still a loser in comparison to Blake's many wins. But Blake just sat there, slouched back on the couch, smiling dopily up at Adam. Feeling frustrated by Blake's lack of reaction he walked forward and sat down on Blake's lap ignoring every warning sign going off in his brain and how eerily familiar doing that felt. His legs bracketed Blake's knees and Blake reached up and grabbed Adam's hips to steady him as Adam adjusted his weight. Adam watched as Blake bit his bottom lip and squeezed Adam's hip before moving his left hand under Adam's shirt and up his back. "What are you doing Blake?" Adam asked as memories from his dream from last night finally crowded the fore front of his brain. He moved off Blake's lap and sat next to him as Blake muttered a quiet apology.

 

Adam sat there stone faced, willing his hardening cock to settle down; it wasn't noticeable-- yet. He tried to cease the clips from his dream floating through his mind; Blake biting his lower lip as he's thrust up into Adam, Blake's hands gripping his hips for dear life and Adam holding onto his shoulders just along for the ride. He focused his thoughts on his breathing instead, taking in large, even breaths. Adam looked down at Blake's hands and confirmed his theory. Blake was staring straight ahead at the TV, his face neutral, but his hands were curled up into fists _and_ he had bit his lip. _And that's what he does when he's horny_ , Adam thought. Adam couldn't tell how he knew that, but he just _knew_.

 

Adam finally got his dick to go back down as he continued to breathe in and out. He started to focus back on the show Blake was watching. The shows on tv now were different from the ones he remembered.

 

He felt more comfortable as the electric energy in the room began to sizzle out. So, he let himself lean closer into Blake's side of the cushion as the day began to catch up with him. Right before sleep hit he fully leaned into Blake's side using his shoulder as a pillow and began to breathe more deeply.

 

"Adam?" Blake whispered quietly. Adam didn't say anything, and Blake brought his left hand up and ran his fingers through Adam's hair before kissing the top of his head. "Adam, I know you can't remember and I know you aren't awake, but I've been using this time to think constructively about your proposition before…. before you hit your head. Adam, I realized I do want to marry you. I do. I love you and I don't want to lose you in anyway. So please-" Blake stopped talking and Adam heard a slight sniffle, "…. Adam please get better soon so I can marry you."

 

Adam held his breath his mind racing. Blake wanted to marry him. Blake hadn't told him that had been a discussion before his head had gotten injured. He didn't know they were engaged or…they weren't engaged, but Adam had asked. Their relationship was really that serious? Well, he knew it was serious, but he didn't know that he was in that deep that he wanted to get married. He let out another deep breath, still trying to make it seem like he was asleep. The dream from the night before came to mind again. It had felt so real, having Blake inside him, the love and desire shining through those blue eyes, the squeeze of Blake's hands on his hips. It had been so raw and intimate. He let himself fall asleep thinking about Blake and Anne's song and how even now it fit right.

\--------

The week before the semi-finals we're as busy as ever. Adam spent a bit more time with his team before handing them off to the professional vocal coaches and choreographers. Then towards the end of the week he checked back in for the dress rehearsals. Anne's vision had become reality and he had goose bumps by the time she finished rehearsing the song the first time.

 

Sooner than later it was Monday night and Carson introduced Anne as the next artist before they played the clips of their first rehearsal.   

 

"Anne Bedford now takes the stage!" Carson called out as the lights dimmed and the drums started. Adam felt every beat vibrate throughout his chest, running through his nerve endings, and seeping into his bones. And then they stopped, and the background vocals began before Anne started.

 

_"You are the hole in my head, you are the space in my bed, you are the silence in between what I thought and what I said. You are the night-time fear. You are morning when it's clear. When it's over you're the start. You're my head and you're my heart."_

 

Adam felt every lyric pierce his heart just like it did during practice and he knew before he looked over that Blake was staring at him. The drums began to roll, and the lights flashed bright as she started the chorus.

 

 _"No light, no light in your bright blue eyes! I never knew daylight could be so violent!"_ Anne belted into the microphone raising her free hand towards the sky as she got into the song _. "A revelation in the light of day. You can't choose what stays and what fades away. And I'd do anything to make you stay. No light, no light! Tell me what you want me to say."_

 

Adam had never felt a song feel so appropriate in his life as this song did. He tried to make sure the inner turmoil within himself didn't show outwardly as Anne continued to sing, her strawberry blonde hair falling into her face every time she sang down into the mic. _"Heaven help me I need to make it right. You want a revelation. You want to get it right. But that's a conversation, I just can't have tonight! You want a revelation. Some kind of resolution. You are the revelation!"_

 

Anne continued to sing, and Adam sneaked a look over at Blake again. He was focused in on the performance this time, his eyes following Anne across the stage.

 

A choir descended the stairs as Anne was in the middle of the stage on her knees singing the bridge. Christina whooped and shouted, and Adam laughed. Anne stood back up and turned around to join the choir as she sang the chorus into the outro. All the coaches were on their feet now. Christina swinging her hair around as she shook her head and sang along.

 

The lights went down as the song ended and the audience erupted with applause and shouting as Anne took the front of the stage with Carson. Adam still felt the tsunami of emotions inside of him, but he let pride take over for now as he smiled and clapped for Anne. They didn't all have time to give Anne feedback, so Carson called on Anne's former coach Christina to talk first.

 

"ANNE! I am so proud of you and devastated that you aren't on my team anymore, but it's obvious that you are in good hands," she smiled at Adam, "You are a literal goddess and you killed it."

 

Carson called on Adam next. "Anne you already know you're amazing. You don't need me to inflate your ego anymore," he joked, and Anne laughed. "But seriously you exceeded what you did in rehearsals and I was blown away then already. Everybody please, please, _please_ vote Anne into the finale! She is amazing, and she deserves it." The audience erupted into applause again as Anne stepped down from the stage to give Adam a hug while Carson reminded them that voting for Team Adam would close soon.

 

The night went phenomenally after that despite the shakiness that Adam had been feeling in his core ever since the first sex dream he had about Blake. But he could push it away for now and focus on what was going on in the moment.

 

He couldn't on the way home though. It was dead silent in the car and when they got home right before Blake made his usual goodnight statement he asked Adam if Anne had chosen the song or if he did.

 

"Anne chose it," Adam told him watching Blake's face fall.

 

\---------

 

Anne did make it to the finale along with Blake's final team member and one contestant from each of Christina and Pharrell's team. They were all ecstatic that each coach would be represented in the finale.

 

"We should go out and celebrate!" Pharrell suggested excitedly. "And we can bring along our finalists."

 

And they did, all of them proceeding to get very drunk, until Blake the most level headed out of all of them, called them each a cab to take them home. Blake was drunk though, Adam could tell as they rode home in their own cab, because he was talking freely as if they hadn't had a rough few days together and his hand was on Adam's thigh, squeezing every time he laughed. And Adam was too drunk to make it stop. They stumbled into their house when they arrived home and Adam followed Blake into the living room until Blake stopped and he ran into his broad back. Blake turned around to catch Adam as he stumbled backwards, his equilibrium off balance, and he pulled him in to steady him.

 

He let Adam go after a second, but Adam still stood there, looking up to meet Blake's eyes. They stared at each other for a while until something made Adam move closer. And then Blake's eyes flickered down, and Adam realized he was staring at his lips. Adam was frozen in place, his heart thudding as Blake leaned down. He didn't want to move even though he knew a huge part of him wasn't ready for this. Wasn't ready to accept what he knew for the past few weeks-- what he had known for the past three years--- he was in love with Blake. A bump on the head and a loss of memory couldn't change it from happening.

 

And then Blake was kissing him, leaning in and cupping Adam's cheek to tilt his head up. The urgency, yet gentleness broke Adam's shock and he found himself kissing Blake back, tangling his fingers in the taller man's hair and pulling him down even further. Blake gripped his side pulling Adam closer and rolling Adam's bottom lip into his mouth to suck on it before letting it go, moving his mouth against Adam's and coaxing Adam's inhibitions away. Adam found himself becoming more desperate, kissing Blake with every feeling that popped up: love, desire, fear…

 

He broke the kiss, backing away from Blake, as the country man opened his eyes. He noticed Adam's distress immediately, stepping forward to meet the younger man. "Adam? What's wrong?"

 

Adam shook his head increasing the distance between them. "I can't do this Blake. I'm not-- I can't."

 

Blake nodded, holding his hands out for Adam to come over, "It's okay. We don't have to. Just-- why don't we talk about it."

 

"No, I-- I've gotta go. I need to go," Adam turned around, rushing for the foyer where he knew his car keys had mostly sat idly in the key bowl for the past few weeks. He hadn't done anything except go to set and see his kids with Blake. He hadn't even seen his Mom in person. He had to see his Mom.

 

Blake was behind him begging, "Adam please don't go. I won't do it again. I won't touch you. Just please stay--"

 

Adam wrenched open the door, ignoring Blake's pleas. "Please don't follow me," he said and slammed the door shut, breathing out a sigh of relief even though he was anything but. He walked slowly over to his car, climbing in and starting it. He put a hand on the wheel and the other on the gear shaft, fully intending to back out of the driveway, but he couldn't leave, caught by the hurricane of emotions inside him. Tears began to stream down his face as he let himself finally think over the moment. He couldn't let himself go there. He didn't understand, but something was holding him back from giving himself over to Blake. He didn't remember experiencing the ten years that had led up to their relationship. He didn't have that time of growth.

 

He loved Blake, but he couldn't understand it. It still didn't add up to him. He was crying hard now, the fear and anxiety still gripping his chest like a vice. He didn't want to be in love Blake. He didn't want to have these feelings that he didn't understand. But he didn't want to leave Blake. He knew that for sure, the tears slowing down. He sat there for a while longer, willing his emotions to get back in line before he turned off the car and walked back into the house. He found Blake sitting on the stairs a cup of something in his hand. Adam figured it was alcohol of some sort. Adam noticed that he had been crying as well and still was, tears slipping out as he watched Adam come into the house.

 

"Hey," he said, sitting his cup on a stair, and standing up, wiping at his face a little, "you came back." He lurched a bit as if he was going to take a step forward, but then thought better of it.

 

"Yeah," Adam replied, refusing to look into those blue eyes, "I didn't leave...I couldn't. And I also realized I've been drinking…"

 

Blake didn't say anything, just wiped under his eyes again as fresh tears formed.

 

Adam steeled himself and got the courage to look up, facing Blake's unwavering blue gaze. "Blake I can't fit ten years of growth into the span of a few weeks. I had years to develop and grow into our relationship. But now I'm not in the same place. I've been set back. I--" Adam shut his mouth, keeping his confession at bay. He wasn't ready to tell Blake that he was in love with him. "I need time," he said finally.

 

Blake broke the gaze first, his eyes downcast, "It's okay, I get it. I shouldn't have pushed you…. just please don't leave again." He was crying again, the tears flowing steadily down. It broke Adam's heart a little to see him so upset, but he couldn't waver.

 

"I won't. I apologize for leaving in the first place…I was scared."

 

Blake sat back down on the step, taking a sip of his drink and looking past Adam at the door. Adam stood there awkwardly, ready to run and hide again, but unable to walk away. "You drink too much," he noted, trying to make it sound teasing, but it instead came out critical.

 

Blake sighed, putting the cup down, and rolling his head to stare at the frayed edges of the foyers rug, "I actually started drinking less when we got together."

 

Adam's heart dropped into his stomach. He could have laughed a harsh deprecating laugh at his own stupidity. He kept fucking up. He kept stomping on Blake's heart just to keep his own sanity. Maybe he should leave. Maybe this was toxic. So, he walked away to keep from making it worse. He stripped his clothes as he entered the guest bedroom and got into the bed without preamble. He willed the next day to be better than this.

 


	5. I've Been Here Forever

Adam woke up with a start. He grabbed the sheets of the very unfamiliar but familiar bed he had been sleeping in the past weeks and blinked up at the ceiling of the guest bedroom as memory after memory flooded his brain. All his dreams the night before had been memories, crowding back into his brain and hammering at his subconscious. And then he remembered the night before. Blake had cried when Adam had pushed him away after the taller man had tried to kiss him. He had been so confused about his feelings, but Blake had been so kind and patient and respectful in the weeks before, not trying to make Adam uncomfortable in anyway and Adam--Adam had fallen for Blake--again! Fallen for the taller man's blue eyes, wide smile, deep dimples and his big ass country heart. But he hadn't been able to let himself go there fully and he had broken Blake's heart. Blake had cried! Blake rarely cried. Adam turned into the pillow and sighed. He had pushed Blake away for a month and then stomped on his heart like it was nothing.

 

But--Blake wanted to propose! He had whispered it into Adam's hair when he had thought Adam was asleep the other day. Adam jumped up from the bed. He never wanted to purposely sleep away from Blake again. He ran down the stairs and down the hall to his and Blake's bedroom. He silently turned the knob and opened the door, peeking in to see Blake buried under the covers. His heart clinched as he thoughts drifted back to the tears rolling down Blake's face.

 

Blake was curled up on Adam's side of the bed, his arms squeezing Adam's pillow as he slept. Adam tip toed into the room and sank down onto the bed. He slipped under the covers and wrapped himself around Blake's back, hanging on as the taller man's body moved with his deep breathing. Adam felt himself lull to sleep.

 

A few hours later Blake stirred awake feeling something heavy on his back. He scrambled around to see Adam's sly grin and bright hazel eyes. "Hey," Adam whispered softly, "I got my memories back."

 

"Damn, really?" Blake asked, tears already spilling from the corner of his eyes. Adam nodded, and Blake grabbed him, pulling him in for a hug. "I'm not letting you go for the rest of the day? You know, that right? God, I missed you so much." Adam could feel his own tears coming as he throat started to constrict from the emotions welling up inside of him. He felt Blake's tears soak the soft skin of his neck as Blake buried his head there and inhaled.

 

"I'm so sorry," Adam said as he began to sob, "I'm so sorry I gave you a hard time. I was so shitty. I was just so confused. I'm so, so, sorry." Blake just squeezed him tighter without replying as Adam continued to sob out apologies.

 

"Can you shut up?" Blake finally said, pulling back a little to see Adam's face. "I'm the one who's sorry. I should of…I could’ve done some things different to prevent this from happening. I-" he pulled away from Adam completely, a look of seriousness gracing his face. "Adam, I had almost a full month to dissect my true feelings about what got you so upset in the first place."

 

Adam swallowed, remembering what Blake had said to him the other day when he had thought Adam was asleep. He wanted to tell Blake that they didn't have to talk about this right now, but he couldn't speak.

 

Blake took his hand. "Adam I was an idiot. I still had hang ups and scars and I thought I trusted that you weren't going to leave out of the blue, but I think a small part of me was still worried. But this month taught me that I can't live my life scared. I need to enjoy what I have in the moment and now that I have you back I'm not letting you go. I want to get married, Adam."

 

Blake took his free hand and made a small hole by tucking his pointer finger into his thumb. He held it out to Adam as if it was a ring, "Adam, will you marry me?"

 

Adam looked down at Blake's makeshift ring and up at his hopeful blue eyes. Blake had been so good to him. He had done everything he could to make Adam feel as comfortable as possible. Adam couldn't even joke or pretend that he was going to say no. He could feel the tears start up again and he wiped his eyes, "God, I haven't cried this much since I was a little kid. I feel like I've spent this whole month crying."

 

"You think you spent the whole month crying?! You've got nothing on me. I haven't cried this much since I was a newborn baby." Blake said in faux exasperation.

 

Adam laughed, "Yes, I'll marry you." He got on his knees and threw himself onto Blake giving the man a heartfelt kiss. Blake deepened it instantly and Adam followed the cue, kissing the taller man back with the same intensity and passion that Blake was giving him.

 

"I promise I'll get you a ring and give you a better proposal," Blake said as they took a break from kissing and just settled into each other's arms.

 

"You don't have to propose again," Adam replied.

 

"I want to. You deserve better than this."

 

"I _know_ I deserve better," Adam said with a cocky tone. Blake knew he was joking though as he carded his fingers through Adam's soft brown hair. "But you really don't have to propose again. Just give me a nice ring or something."

 

Blake shook his head, "I'm proposing again."

 

Adam crossed his arms, "Fine, but just don't do it on The Voice. I _will_ say no if you do."

 

Blake chuckled, "I won't propose on The Voice. Plus, I think we're banned from doing any grand gestures since that time we kissed."

 

"Right…" Adam said as he remembered. It had been almost three years since that day.

 

"God, I'm so happy your memories are back," Blake sighed and squeezed Adam tighter. Adam just let him, happy to be back where he felt safe and loved. Not having this for mostly a month just wasn't allowed to happen again.

 

"You want to know something funny?" Adam asked.

 

"What?"

 

"My memories have been coming back slowly for the past five days or so, but only while I was sleeping. So, I thought I was just having weird dreams because I was falling for you. The first dream I had was a sex dream. Remember the day I wore that butt plug on set and we came home and…"

 

Blake sat up letting go of Adam a bit to look at him, "What?! You dreamed about that? No wonder you started acting distant. I bet it freaked you out."

 

"It did! I was so freaked out. And then I dreamed the other day about when I rode you the first time in the couch at your rental house--"

 

Blake laughed, "Wow I must really rock your world for sex memories to be the first ones to come back." Adam flicked Blake off, but Blake only pulled Adam back into his chest. "Oh shit," Blake cursed his arms going lax on Adam before he tightened them again.

 

"What?" Adam asked alarmed.

 

"I forgot. I talked to your publicist and she told me that when your memories come back they would release a statement announcing that you had amnesia for the past however long and that you had recovered. There haven't been a ton of rumors about it, but there have been some suggesting that there was trouble in paradise with us. So, after the statement is released she wants us to do a pap walk," Blake grimaced and muttered an apology as Adam groaned.

 

"A pap walk? Why?" Adam whined.

 

Blake rubbed Adam's back and gave him another kiss. "We gotta show a united front when people find out you lost your memories...you know how people are."

 

"Yeah, they like to nitpick and find the smallest things to criticize…" Adam sighed, shifting to rest his head in the cradle between Blake's neck and shoulder, "You smell good. Like dirt and grit."

 

"Pretty sure that's not actually a good smell."

 

"Probably not. You smell like _you_ though which smells good and you remind me of dirt and grit." They sat there for a while enjoying each other's company, Blake's arms tightening around Adam every now and then as if he couldn't believe he was actually there in his arms again.

 

"We actually can't stay here all day as much as I wish we could. We've got rehearsals and such…" Blake trailed off at Adam's obvious frustration.

 

"I'm so glad next week is the finale.…but then we have to start filming next season since they pushed it back for me."

 

"Shhhh, I'm sorry I brought it up. Let's just stay here as long as possible..." Blake said, trying to console Adam's spiraling thoughts  

 

Adam laid there for a while, lost in his thoughts before sitting up to look at Blake, "Maybe we should take a break after this upcoming season."

 

"What?" Blake asked in disbelief, "Do we need to get your head checked again? Are you okay?"

 

"No seriously Blake. Think about it. We want to get married and we were talking about having a kid. We should take some time to do that."

 

Blake closed his mouth and pondered it for a minute.

 

"We don't have to quit. Let's just take two seasons off."

 

"Can the Voice even survive two seasons of us gone?" Blake finally asked.

 

"Probably not," Adam laughed, "But maybe if we publicly promise that we're coming back, the show won't suffer too much."

 

Blake nodded, his eyes glazed as he continued to think and then he connected his eyes with Adam's, "Okay…yeah, let's take a break after this season."

 

"And we can get married?"

 

"And we can get married."

 

"And! We can have a baby?"

 

Blake's face burst into a smile, "Yeah, we can have a baby."

 

\-----------

 

Anne won that season and it felt like a confirmation of sorts for Adam. Like everything was all falling back into place and that he was free to do things he wanted to do.

 

He endured the pap walk with Blake. They went downtown and had lunch and then walked hand in hand to their car while the cameras flashed and the assholes behind the cameras yelled for their attention.

 

It turned out that Adam actually had a ton of interviews and such to catch up on that had been pushed back because of his memory loss. A lot of networks hadn't been happy to have to scramble and find someone to replace him last minute, but when they found out later the reason why the interviews had to be cancelled they were more than happy to fit Adam in on their shows now that his memory was back.

\------------

 

"My next guest is one of my personal friends. Three-time Grammy award winner and front man for Maroon 5, Adam Levine everybody!" The audience clapped as Adam took the stage, plopping down in the chair next to Ellen's and crossing his legs. He waved at the audience and smiled, thanking Ellen for having him there.

 

"Now we've got a lot to catch up on. You just won the Voice this season with your artist Anne Bedford and Maroon 5 released an album last month, but before we talk about that I heard you just recovered from amnesia. Is that true?!" Ellen asked, leaning in towards Adam as her blue eyes widened.

 

"Yeah actually. I had amnesia for about a month." The audience awed, and he gave them a quick smile.

 

"Wow. So how did it happen? Did you hit your head? Were you hit by a car?"

 

Adam laughed, "It's crazy really. There's no way it should’ve happened, because there was no legitimate brain damage and the accident was so miniscule...I fell off the bed."

 

"What?!" Ellen asked, eyes brows raised in disbelief.

 

Adam shrugged, "I fell off the bed."

 

"No way. There must be more to it. What were you doing in bed…if you don't mind me asking?"

 

"I do actually," Adam semi-joked. "No, it's fine. I was just on the edge of the bed and I lurched back and fell off and hit my head. Nothing shady about it. I promise. Honestly, I wish I had a better story to tell."

 

Ellen laughed, "Well how did you get them back, your memories?"

 

"I just waited. I started dreaming about things…which were my memories…and then one night everything just came back to me and I woke up like 'Ohhh that's what those weird dreams were the other night. Those were my memories. These things actually happened….'"

 

Ellen chuckled at Adam's fake displeasure. "Wait now I forgot to ask-- what did you go back to? What was the last thing you remembered?"

 

"2011."

 

"Oh...oh no," Ellen said as the gravity of it sunk in.

 

"Yep. I knew Blake, but I had no recollection of our relationship or even Behati and the kids. You can imagine how freaked out I was when I woke up and Blake's looming over me."

 

Ellen laughed, putting her head in her hands, "I can actually. So, you and Blake, you're okay?"

 

"Yeah! We're great. Back in love. Better than ever. The funny thing is I started to fall in love with Blake again while my memory was gone, but this experience was the complete opposite of the first because I didn't have ten years of friendship to rest it on."

 

"I can imagine there was a lot of confusion."

 

Adam nodded, "Right."

 

"But everything's good now. You’re in love and happy. So, when is the wedding?"

 

"Well...actually--"

 

"WHAT?!" Ellen grabbed the arm rests of her chair and sat up. "Is there an actual wedding coming? Did someone propose?"

 

"Blake proposed," Adam grinned, completely unable to keep the smile from taking over his face every time he thought about it. He hated how Blake had this way of making him giddy like a child…well he didn't _actually_ hate it.

 

"Well I have to officiate it. Come on. I named your first child."

 

"I honestly think you should. We can discuss it more later if you like."

 

"Yes let's! Um-- Marcia?" Ellen called out to someone standing back stage with a clipboard, "Can you write me a reminder to beg Adam to officiate his wedding?" The audience and Adam laughed as the girl nodded yes. She turned back to Adam, a huge smile lighting up her eyes, "This is so exciting. I'm so excited. So, let's talk about Anne Bedford. Your memory came back just before the finale?"

 

"Yeah, I'm so glad it did, and I was able to fully experience the pride and admiration I have for her. She's amazing and she fully deserved to win."

 

Ellen asked a few more questions, before moving on to talk about Maroon 5's album. They performed their newest single and then left the set. Adam smiled as they left, they had a few more interviews to record and a meeting to attend afterwards but being on Ellen always put him in a good mood so the day went by fast.

 

As soon as they were done with everything they had for the day, Adam found himself speeding to his next meeting. He ran into the office building and fast walked down the hall towards the office he was looking for.  He found Blake in the waiting room skimming through a magazine, a smiling pregnant woman on the cover. "We're all checked in. I was just about to call you. They should be calling us in soon," Blake said as he walked over.

 

Adam sat down in the free chair next to him and inhaled a big breath. He was anxious, in a good way, excitement thrumming through his veins.

 

"How was Ellen?" Blake asked, his eyes not leaving the magazine.

 

"It was good. She wants to officiate the wedding."

 

Blake chuckled, "Of course. Did you tell her about this?"

 

"Nah, not even off camera. I kind of want it to be a secret until…" Adam trailed off and Blake looked up, their eyes meeting.

 

"I know what you mean. Me too."

 

The assistant walked in and escorted them to the where their meeting was going to be held. As they walked in a lady stood up to greet them over her desk, "Hi. I'm Doctor Lisa Green. My understanding is that you are interested in finding an egg donor today?"

 

The men nodded and affirmed her assumption and she smiled asking them to take a seat. "Well thank you for choosing Green! We have an extensive list of egg donors and surrogate mothers who have all passed our screening tests. Of course, all our mothers are of the prime child-bearing age. They don't smoke, and they are physically and mentally fit. And we also track physical and psychological traits. Do you have any preference on what the mother looks like?" She folded her hands together and leaned over the desk.

 

"Well we want someone who preferably looks as much like Adam as possible since we've decided that we're going to use my sperm," Blake said.

 

"Great!" She studied Adam for a second and smiled, "I have a few candidates coming to mind already that we can look over and if you aren't satisfied I can generate a more extensive list and send it to you and we can meet again and talk about it later."

 

Adam looked over at Blake and then nodded his consent, "That sounds fine."

 

"Good…" Lisa turned towards her computer and moved her mouse around and clicked on it a few times. She typed something in and then turned the monitor to face them. "This is Jasmine. She was the first candidate that came to mind. She's a former ballerina!" The girl on the screen was a perfect match for Adam the only difference is her lips being slightly fuller than his, but she had the dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and the sultry smile.

 

"I'm Jewish. Is she Jewish?"

 

Blake rolled his eyes, knowing that was something Adam didn't really care about, but was just asking to be a bother.

 

Lisa didn't know he was joking though and she frowned at the screen, scrolling down. Her face brightened, and she turned back to them smiling like a cat that got the canary, "She is!"

 

"Hm!" Adam looked at Blake with an expression of satisfaction. "I think she's definitely a possibility then. Can we see the others you had in mind?"

 

"Of course!" Lisa showed them a few more candidates, but Adam was already sold on Jasmine and by the look on Blake's face he could tell he was as well.

 

When she finished showing them Blake and Adam stared at each other for a second, both seeming to come to the same decision, "When can we meet Jasmine?" Blake asked.

 

"Well we can do a preliminary meeting to make sure you guys like her…energy per se. But! She is only a donor. Not a surrogate."

 

"Oh okay. So, we need to choose a surrogate as well?" Adam asked.

 

"Yes! We can go through that process after you meet Jasmine if you like."

 

They agreed, and Dr. Green scheduled them an appointment to meet with Jasmine the following week.

 

Adam already had a feeling that he would like her, and he did. She was sweet and funny and got along with Blake and Adam well. The way that Dr. Green's practice worked is that the donor had to agree to be willing to give to the egg to the couple once she met them. Thankfully Jasmine agreed and they the next step was finding a surrogate they liked as well. They met with about five before choosing Madison7 and within a month they were getting a call confirming that she was pregnant.

 

\-------------

They kept it under wraps for as long as possible and instead focused on dealing with the media harassment that came from announcing they were taking a break from The Voice which of was a shit show for a couple of weeks, the media taking it and running with it. They were asked about it in every interview and had to make many promises that they were coming back, and Jimmy Fallon made Blake swear over the Bible.

 

And then when that was handled they focused on planning their wedding. Neither of them wanted anything extravagant and Adam was fine with the idea of getting married in court, but Blake refused, telling Adam that they had to do something nicer than that. It was Adam that suggested they have their ceremony in Oklahoma, after being there so much in their thirteen years of knowing each other, Adam had started to think of Blake’s ranch house as a real second home and not the vacation spot it had come to be since Blake and Adam had started dating.

 

They planned their wedding to be the week after the last episode of season 28 of the Voice and even invited Madison who they had been spending a lot of time with. They introduced Madison to their parents at the wedding but didn’t tell anyone she was their surrogate until a couple of months later when she was six months pregnant.

“Oh my god Blake!” his mom cried on the phone, “Are you kidding me? How could you keep this from me for so long?”

 

“I’m sorry Mama. We just wanted to keep it on the down low until she was further along. We just found out the sex of the baby today! You’re the first one to know. We’re having Adam’s parents and Behati and the girls over for dinner tonight—Mama?”

 

“I’m sorry hun,” She blew her nose loudly into the phone. “I didn’t listen to a word you were saying, I’m crying so hard. I can’t believe my baby’s gonna be a Daddy. I’m so proud. I had honestly given up on—” she started crying hard again, “I never thought you’d have kids and then you got with Adam. I love you Adam, honey, but you can’t have kids and I just figured y’all weren’t going to have any more besides your sweet little girls, but—I’m just so happy! I’m going to be a Grandma.”

 

“I know Mama. I had given up on having kids of my own too, but then last year Adam had suggested getting a surrogate before he lost his memories and as soon as he got them back we scheduled an appointment to find an egg donor. The egg donor looks just like Adam, Ma. But what I was trying to tell you was that you were the first to know! We haven’t told anyone else yet?”

 

“Really? Oh, hun!” Dorothy cried.

 

“Yeah. And! We’re having a girl!”

 

“A girl! You’re kidding? Are you disappointed? I know you used to want a son—”

 

“No! I’m not disappointed! I love girls. I mean I spend so much time with Dusty and Gio that I was hoping for a little girl anyway.”

 

“I’m so happy Blake! You have no idea. I’m getting a little granddaughter.”

 

“Yeah me-too Mama.”

 

Dinner went about the same which was lots of tears and excitements. Adam had begged Behati not to bring Derrick, which she had not been happy about, but in the end, she yielded and understood when she found out what the dinner was for.

 

“Please don’t tell Derrick,” Adam said to Behati as they stood in a corner of the living room, watching the girls feel Madison’s bump and badger her with questions.

 

“Why? I don’t understand why you don’t like him.”

 

Adam swallowed down the frustration that was coming up. He wanted to raise his hands and shout ‘How?! How do you not hear the prejudice statements that come out of his mouth?!’ But instead just gave Behati a look, “You know he doesn’t like us, right? He’s your boyfriend and I understand that, and I respect that, but he does not like me, or Blake and he definitely doesn’t like that we’re dating. His fucking parents are homophobic. Did you not hear what his Mom asked me on Thanksgiving?”

 

Behati stood there, mouth gaping like a fish, “Homophobic? His mom is always nice to you when she sees you. What did she say?”

 

“Yes, she’s nice to me, but she’s rude to Blake and dismisses him most of the time. And she asked me if Blake and I were having relationship issues because of my memory loss.”

 

“But you were! It was obvious-”

 

“No!” Adam held up a hand to keep her from continuing, “That is not her business either way and she was only asking, because she wanted us to be having issues. She thinks Blake made me gay or something.”

 

“Oh c’mon Adam. Are you listening to yourself?”

 

“I just really can’t believe that you don’t see it. Love really is blind…listen Bee, I really don’t want to argue. Can you just respect what I’m asking of you? I wanted you to know, because you’re my friend and I care about you. But Derrick is not my friend.”

 

Finally, Behati nodded her head and agreed to keep it a secret. Adam wrapped his arms around her pulling her in for a hug. “Thanks,” he whispered, “I just don’t trust him, and we want this to remain a secret until she’s born.”

 

Behati smiled as they parted, “I understand. You could’ve just led with that and that would have kept the argument from happening.”

 

Adam rolled his eyes as Behati laughed.

\---------------

 

After telling the few people Blake and Adam wanted to know that they were expecting a daughter they completely shut down and got ready for the substantial change that was coming. They were both finishing tours that had been in planning for months before Adam’s incident and they came back from them completely disoriented and in a rush to get ready for the baby’s arrival.

 

She was due in the following month, a September baby.

 

They were on the couch in the living room, scrolling through the channels, exhausted from painting the nursery. Blake had suggested that they have her room be the room Adam slept in when he had amnesia. He wanted to turn bad memories into good memories.

 

Adam cuddled into Blake’s side and then sat up to look Blake in the eye, “Have you lost weight?”

 

“I was wondering when you were going to notice,” Blake said sarcastically, keeping his eyes on the tv for a second, before looking over at Adam and smirking.

 

“I’m sorry! I thought you looked different when you came back from Pennsylvania, but then we were too busy…catching up and my mind wasn’t really focused on that. Plus, when you took your clothes off last night I was already turned around and-”

 

“Adam! It’s okay. I don’t care,” Blake laughed, putting the remote down and facing the younger man.

 

“But I feel bad for not noticing. Why are you losing weight? I mean I don’t care either way.”

 

Blake shrugged and smiled, “I’ve just been thinking lately that I’m not getting any younger and sometimes it’s hard for me to play with Dusty and Gio and I just want to be in better shape to take care of our little girl…I just want to be around for as long as I can.”

 

Adam grinned, leaning back into Blake’s side, “You’re amazing. You’re going to be the best Dad. I mean you’re practically Dusty and Gio’s second Dad. Which now that I think about it, you are their step-dad now.”

 

“Can you stop being so sappy?” Blake teased.

 

“No, I can’t. All I can do is love you. You made me this way. Deal with it.”

 

Blake tossed his head back and chuckled, before leaning down and pressing his lips to Adam’s. They kissed for a while, the kisses becoming hungrier, before Adam pulled away. He was too exhausted to do anything, so he figured they should stop, before it went that way.

 

“You know,” Blake smoothed Adam’s hair as they settled back into the couch, “Most people gain sympathy weight, but I lose it.”

 

Adam gave him a dopey smile and poked Blake’s still slightly pudgy tummy, “We haven’t talked about names.”

 

“We haven’t,” Blake agreed.

 

Adam sat, silent in thought as Blake picked up the remote and began to scroll again.

 

"How about Solaris or Luna?"

 

"What? No!"

 

Adam closed his eyes and thought a little bit more, "What about Magda?"

 

"No that's an old name. Like some kind of old maid."

 

"You just want to name her Ada or something," Adam laughed as Blake widened his eyes and looked affronted.

 

"What's wrong with that? It's a cute name and better than some of the shit that you come up with." He muttered Dusty and Gio's names under his breath and shook his head in disbelief.

 

The smaller man crossed his arms in annoyance. "Are you talking about my kids? You love my kids!"

 

"Yes, I love them. Their names are what I had to get used to."

 

"Whatever man. You can pick the name if you're going to be all-" Adam made a face as he mocked Blake with his usual faux country accent.

 

Blake gave him a dimpled smile choosing to ignore Adam's mockery, "Don't be like that. I'm just saying let's do the opposite of you and Behati's formula. Let's give her a normal first name and an interesting middle name. I mean Adam you really named your first child Dusty. How do you sleep at night?"

 

"I sleep fine. You're annoying. I hate you,” Adam said, but Blake just kissed his forehead and told him he loved him.

 

"…I do kind of like Ada though," Adam said a little while later as Blake finally settled on a channel that was playing _Benny and Joon._

 

Blake chuckled, "That didn't even cross my mind as a name, but we can put it on the back burner. Maybe we should wait ‘til when she's born, and we see her to choose a name."

 

Adam agreed, but he was secretly already stuck on Ada, while Blake was mulling over Joon, watching Mary Stuart Masterson blending cereal on the tv.

 

\----------

 

And then she was here, arriving September 28th, some odd days after Dusty’s birthday. She was a week earlier than expected, but she was completely healthy, with an obvious working set of lungs. She settled down into Blake’s arms perfectly calm though, her red skin warm. She had a tuft of dark, fuzzy brown hair on her head and Blake leaned down to sniff it, her little fist wrapped around his finger.

 

“Hi Ada Joon! She’s perfect,” he mumbled, tears already starting to well up in his eyes.

 

“She is. Thank you so much Madison,” Adam smiled at the exhausted woman in the bed. She nodded in acknowledgment, her eyes closed as she rested. “You know our sex life is ruined right?” Adam joked, turning back to Blake.

 

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Blake groaned, before turning his attention back to the small human in his arms, “She’s worth it though.”

 

“Yeah,” Adam whispered, kissing her small head, “She is. And we’ll make it work.” He leaned up on his toes to kiss Blake’s cheek as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone that followed the story and thank you to everyone that read The Winner Takes It All and encouraged me to write more. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Ta-ta for now!


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